Volume 95, Issue 90

Friday, March 22, 2002
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I'm no humourless bible-thumper!

Peace beats war, life beats death



As they say in the Old West – Yee haw! It's time for the... I say... it's time for the recom-humdinger-mabobber. I'll be a monkey's uncle, this here jimmy sure is a laugh-maker!

Q: What's with those damn Irish gettin' all the cool holidays? What the hell does Canada have that's even close to St. Patrick's Day? – John Horton, Mechanical Engineering III

A: Are you kidding? We have Queen Victoria day (aka 'May two-four'). Ancient Canadian folklore has it that Queen Victoria once beat ol' St. Patty at 'century club' and that's how we acquired the land we now call Owen Sound.

Q: If a Jack Russell terrier is born in Germany and has a tendency to walk around with a cane, isn't it more of a German shepherd? – Andrea McSorley, Kinesiology II

A: Either way, if you cook it up with corn and potatoes, you can make one hell of pie – shepherd or German – your pick!

Q: It's pretty obvious this whole democracy thing isn't working out. How about we implement some sort of honocracy – rule by the honour system? – Asif Mundar, Social Science I

A: Sounds great! We won't need policemen, so they can all get sex changes and become hot-dog ladies. Oh, and judges can cut their robes off at the waist and prance around like judicial belly dancers.

Q: My roomie wants to know – do guys like girls with short hair or long hair? – Tina Bladman, MIT III

A: Rule of thumb: the hairier the better. Just kidding. The novelty of a new haircut drives just about everyone wild with joyous rapture.

Q: How does one go about becoming a Zamboni driver? – Casey Malone, Physics II

A: Just ask the inventor of the Zamboni – Giovanni Zamboni. "Yoo see, yoo a gatta be a mad-a-man with-a-the riding-a-lawnmower."

As they say in Sweden, this was once again, bork bork, a smorgasbord of hilarity funded by incredibly high taxes and Ikea – I mean funded by jokes from all the little Mustangs of London. We'd like to thank one Mustang in particular – Sally (the lady who was asked to put her flat feet on the ground).

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