Volume 96, Issue 2

Thursday, May 30, 2002
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Pathetic rant from jobless loser

Kids, reach for your lightsabre

Kids, reach for your lightsabre

Standing O
Ryan Dixon

Managing Editor

Nineteen years ago in theatres everywhere, adolescent boys across the galaxy were left reeling by the sight of a busty Princess Leia in a bronzed bikini.

Now, just as those boys who grew up with that intergalactic fantasy firmly in place were starting to mature into men and look for real women to love here on earth, Natalie Portman has thrown her buns into the fire.

For those who have not yet seen the second episode of the "new" Star Wars trilogy, which should be titled "Return of the Midriff," let me fill you in on what young lads everywhere will be confessing was there first sexual experience of sorts when they get to university in five years.

During a crucial battle scene, Senator Amadala, played by the shapely Ms. Portman, has a good portion of her form fitting costume ripped off. The comparison between this display of skin and that of Princess Leia's in "Return of the Jedi" is a natural love connection. George Lucas, the genius that he is, found the only thing from 1983 worth resurrecting.

I'll be the first to admit gratuitous skin often rules the silver screen in a manner that it shouldn't. Directors needlessly throw a little cheekiness into their movies, but it must be noted that there is a key difference when it comes in the context of a Star Wars film.

George Lucas, whose initials would be much more accurate if he changed them to "PG", has been ultra-conservative when it comes to his Star Wars series. There is no real fear of anything as offensive as - God forbid - a nipple appearing. Instead, it's just good wholesome belly button viewing.

Second of all, despite its monstrous mainstream appeal, we have to remember that Star Wars remains a science fiction movie and hence is viewed by copious amounts of nerds. If you take away the skimpy side of Star Wars, where else are these snotty-nosed geeks going to get their sexual healing?

There are already a lot of reasons to like the latest installment of the Star Wars saga. For starters, there is less Jar Jar Binks, more mind-bending action and the aforementioned Portman factor. If Lucas keeps building on this formula for the final episode, he'll have 14-year-olds everywhere reaching for their lightsabre.

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