Volume 96, Issue 9
Thursday September 12, 2002

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More kicks in the flicks

Any time you can catch a movie at a cool theatre for roughly the cost of a cup of coffee you should take advantage of it – especially if you are a poor university student who is gouged at every turn.

For Western students the opportunity to see cheap movies comes in the form of Western Film (located on the second floor of the University Community Centre).

Unfortunately, our wonderful on-campus theatre is losing money. Luckily The Gazette has the solution – several in fact. With apologies to economists everywhere, here are our suggestions on how Western Film can pack 'em in:

Change the theme of your combos. Hey, we all love Star Wars and the "Darth Vader" combo has been dinner and dessert for many Western students over the years, but the original trilogy is over 20 years old. May we suggest the Pulp Fiction inspired "Royale with Cheese" combo, complete with beer in a glass – not a paper cup.

Free Fanshawe College diplomas at the door. Western students could no longer complain about leaving this university with a degree that will get them no where. Practicality and a movie anyone?

Advertise your wicked balcony more. Nothing says ambiance like a balcony. People love making out at movies and the balcony adds that certain "je ne sais quoi" to the experience.

More themed nights. Some of the best would include "Macaulay Culkin Remembered" and "Worst Sequel Ever" nights – which would ironically incorporate both of those themes. Don't limit it to movies though. How about a tribute to Ralph Wigim, with screenings of Ralph-themed Simpsons episodes? Red Crayons and paste for all!

Make sure sophs know they can come in the door after 7 p.m.. Think how included they would feel.

Replace your walls with aquariums and stock the water with dolphins. Being surrounded by dolphins would act as the perfect equalizer for all emotions evoked during a movie. If the horror of the latest Freddie Prinze Jr. movie is getting to you, just glance at the majestic fish swimming all around you and peace will be found instantly.

Free kittens at the door. Awwwwwe, kittens.

Opening rants before movies. Have Housing deliver unintentionally hilarious speeches on morality, engineers speak about how to keep the campus free of graffiti during Frosh Week, pirates complaining about the lack of real "booty" at Western and Gazette editors lecture on journalistic ethics.

A London City Transit road block. Presumably students that are not watching movies at Western are heading off campus to get their flicks kicks. Since the primary mode of transportation for students is the city busses, see what you can do about keeping them out by setting up road blocks at all ends of campus. If that fails, try bribing bus drivers with a free movie ticket and that "Royale with Cheese" combo we talked about.




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