Volume 96, Issue 10
Friday September 13, 2002

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NEWS FOR DUMMIES:
Idiots, money and mushrooms

By Paolo Zinatelli
Gazette Staff

If you seek out information from no other news source this week – or ever for that matter – you should at least be reading this.

What follows are some of the major events that have occurred both across the country and around the world in the past week. Be sure to check out this feature every Friday – it will keep you informed so you can look smart in conversations with your friends.

On Monday, former Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu was unable to give a speech at Concordia University in Montreal – approximately 200 protesters became unruly. With the police unable to control the crowd, Netanyahu was forced to cancel his appearance. Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien apologized for the incident the next day in Ottawa. It's hard to tell who the bigger idiot is here – Chrétien for apologizing on behalf of people who are idiots, or the protesters for being idiots in the first place.

On Wednesday, former finance minister Paul Martin revealed the donations to his leadership campaign of the federal Liberal party. Martin has raised over $110,000. Unlike his slacker competitors who have taken months to raise that kind of money, Martin was able to raise most of it in one night. The road to 24 Sussex Dr. is a long one and apparently it does not come cheap.

This past week also saw a group of international journalists visit nuclear test labs in Iraq. The Iraqi government was angry that British Prime Minister Tony Blair had accused them of making nuclear weapons at the facility. They claim that any nuclear material produced in the facility took place prior to 1991, when it was used for cancer research purposes only. Today they claim it is used for growing mushrooms. What else would an Iraqi nuclear test facility be used for when the country is on the verge of erupting into war with the world's only remaining super power? Mmmmm... mushrooms.

Here is a bit of information that many people do not know about. On Sept. 11, 2001, our prime minister, the "little guy from Shawinigan," authorized "in principle" the shooting of a Korean Airlines 747 flying over the Yukon. This was not revealed until the first anniversary of the horrible terrorist attacks, while Chrétien gave interviews with the Canadian media.

Finally, unless you've been in hibernation, you know this week saw the one year anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the United States. The world took a moment to remember those who died last Sept. 11. Memorials were held on campus to honour the victims.

That ends your week in review. In the weeks to come, parliament will be re-opening. The laughs will never end.

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