She loves dank and thinks you should too
By Chris Webden
Who wouldn't love an old lady who knows how to use a dildo?
Hundreds of Western students packed The Wave yesterday as the infamous Sue Johanson entertained them with her own hilarious brand of sexual education.
Johanson, host of the
Sunday Night Sex Show and recipient of the Order of Canada, explained everything students wanted to know about sex, but were too afraid to ask.
"It is so easy to jump in the sack and have a humping and thumping good time, but talking about sex now that is impossible," Johanson said, adding the inability to talk freely about sex usually begins at a young age.
"It takes a baby boy about five minutes to discover that he has a penis," she explained, "and about five more to figure out it feels 'gooood' to play with."
Johanson told the crowd that learning about sex in our society is one of the hardest things to do because most people grow up thinking that sex is a taboo subject and that being curious about one's sexuality is odd or dirty.
"I got into this because I was running a sex clinic for children and realized that they were having sex, but had no idea what they were doing," she said, adding most people are too afraid to ask their parents because they are scared of the mental image of "mommy and daddy doing it."
"I love educating people on sex," she said. "I think it is important."
During her two hour seminar, Johanson took time to dispel several sexual myths and answered some audience questions.
"Unless your penis is 10 pounds roughly the size of a baby we girls can handle it, so don't worry," Johanson said, dispelling all male students' worries that their penises might be too big.
Spitting and swallowing also came up during the question period, and Johanson was quick to ease any worries of the mostly female crowd.
"Spitting or swallowing is entirely up to the person. And guess what? The average ejaculation has only 35 calories," Johanson said, adding contrary to popular legend, swallowing cum will not clear up acne, make women's breasts grow larger or cause them to enjoy sex more.
The Wave's packed crowd nearly fell out of their seats laughing as Johanson educated them using several graphic gestures, sexual props and noises.
"We came to see Sue because we love her, and watch her every weekend," said Andrea Kunder, a first-year arts student.
Tim Bartram, a third-year computer science student, also seemed quite smitten with Johanson and her show. "I love it. It's hilarious," he said.