Volume 96, Issue 14
Friday, September 20, 2002

Search the Archives:

HOME
PHOTO GALLERY

COMICS
SUBMIT LETTER
CONTESTS
ADVERTISING
VOLUNTEERS
ABOUT US
ARCHIVES
LINKS



Why don't they just give it up?

Some athletes don't know when to call it quits. With the recent retirement of former New York Knicks' center Patrick Ewing, The Gazette sports section pondered the question of which past professional athletes hung on too long and who needs to bow out gracefully now, before hip replacement surgeries and denture bills start rolling in.


Mills: Paul Coffey. Don't get me wrong, you can't argue with 1487 career points and three Norris trophies, but the guy was invisible for the last four or five years of his career.

Hickman: What about Joe Montana? I know he's Benny's hero and all, but why the hell did he play for the Chiefs after an impeccable career with the 49ers? Sorry Ben.

Mills: Don't worry Hickman *sob*, I don't hate you *sob*... much.

Bell: "The Chief" Robert Parish should have called it quits. The guy was a creaky old man near the end of his career. But he could probably kick my ass, what with the karate belts, so I should probably shut up.

Mills: What about Denis Martinez? "El Presidente" was closer to "El Muerte" towards the end of his career.

Ryan Dixon (eavesdropping Gazette managing editor): Willie Mays should have hung it up after his phenomenal over-the-shoulder catch in the 1954 World Series.

Mills: What about Nolan Ryan? I think if there was any exception to the rule, it would be the "Ryan Express." Did you see those upper-cuts he laid on Robin Ventura? Talk about old man strength.

Hickman: Eric Lindros should retire. Hey, maybe if he retires quickly enough, he can get a spot hosting a crappy hockey magazine show... oh wait, that job has already been taken by his brother.

Bell: Why the hell didn't Michael Jordan take his legacy and retire with grace. The only vision I see of him now is that of a good player – not a great player – with shitty knees.

Hickman: Why didn't we just start this conversation with two words – Gordie Howe – and saved our faithful readers the time reading this ridiculous diatribe.

MORE SPORTS HEADLINES

Contact The Sports Department

2002 THE GAZETTE