Volume 96, Issue 6
Friday September 6, 2002

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Western's own breed of fashion victims

Ryan Dixon

Managing Editor

If you're reading this column at 8 a.m. wearing anything comparable to what you'd wear to a bar, if you're not wearing a baseball cap with a stain of some kind on it and if you are flanked by empty seats on either side of you because the smack leather was too overwhelming for your classmates, I'm going to let you in on the reason those brave enough to sit any where near you are snickering – it's because the joke's on you.

There is simply no earthly reason to look good before dawn. Too often the women of Western get stuck with this rap, but make no mistake, the early morning vain train is boarded by just as many Justin Timberlakes as Britney Spears'.

These are usually the same guys you see speeding through campus in their cars, concrete hair kicking the wind's ass, who have no idea that the bass pulsating from their car stereo does not actually vibrate G-spots.

The only thing worse than the student who gets dolled up before the sun emerges is the one wearing the most carefully crafted outfit of "casual" wear imaginable. This second group of people anticipated the flak I'm dishing out right now, separating them from the students who think the hallways in the Social Science Building double as catwalks. These people ran to the mall to get grubby by purchasing comfortable clothes more carefully selected than the last person they slept with.

Dressing well is a perfectly legitimate enterprise. I like to look good (as much of a stretch as that is at times for me) and the right garbs are a big part of that. When you're headed out for a night on the town, go nuts. I've got my hundred dollar bottle of Aqua di Gio on the night stand and, when duty calls, I give myself a good dousing. The thing is, the same clothes that get you the good kind of glares at the bar land you the "what God damned time did she get up today" look in super-psych.

People dress well to attract other people. Sure, a well dressed (and there are many variations and categories of "well dressed") person can catch your attention. However, when it's painfully obvious you're so vain you can't be spotted on campus wearing your old gym clothes from Grade 11, you negate any chance that someone could take you seriously. The only person you are going to attract is a fellow popstar – then again, you probably deserve each other.

I'd be lying if I said a curvy girl in a tight top has never peaked my interest. The thing is, when I see them before dawn, all interest is quashed when I realize I'm probably already looking at the best thing they have to offer.

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