Volume 96, Issue 6
Friday September 6, 2002

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Editor's note: The Gambling Man is a wily and unpredictable character who will make frequent appearances in The Gazette Sports section.

He is a man of wicked debauchery who enjoys indulging in life's pleasures and sin. Despite his love of nudity, cheap cigars and mermaids, his chief passion lies in games of chance. His periodic ramblings and predictions on the world of professional football shouldn't be taken seriously – for he remains a very poor man.


Prediction made after one drink:
Detroit @ Miami

Deep in the heart of Detroit Rock City, the people still pray for a return of running back and part-time god Barry Sanders. Frankly, they can cry themselves a river and then kick each other in the balls. The Lions just plain suck.

Pick: Dolphins


Prediction made after five drinks:
Seattle @ Oakland

Oh, Mike Holmgren – your 1997 Super Bowl ring in Green Bay must seem like a distant dream. Daily, you awake to the nightmare of having Trent Dilfer as your QB. He's injured, but he'll be coming back soon. Fear not, the Gambling Man will take you boozing.

Pick: Raiders


Predictions made after 15 drinks:
Dallas @ Houston

I don't care if Dallas is favoured by everyone with half a brain – that's what gallons of tequila will do to the mind. You know what? I don't even care who wins. My only wish is for Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to be set on fire, followed by being crushed by a giant, falling cement block.

Pick: Houston or the giant block of cement

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2002 THE GAZETTE