April 1, 2003

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Krede comes clean

By Bibe L. Thumper

In a move that shook rock 'n' roll's foundation to the core, Krede has finally admitted some of their lyrics are about God.

"Man, we're sick and tired of people saying we suck," said Scott Crapp, lead singer of Krede, as he stood atop a cliff with his shirt billowing in the wind.

"People say, 'You guys sing about God and stuff, but you try to act like rock stars and stuff, so what gives?' And I'm like, 'Dude! We're just singing about stuff and shit – not God – so like relax, man.' Then they're like, 'No way dude, your songs are totally about God.' So, I'm like, 'F-you man, you don't even know, man,'" said a clenched-fisted Crapp.

Songs like "Lower" and "With Legs Wide Open," have raised a few eyebrows in the music community because of their religious undertones.

"Man, God's alright. He did some pretty cool shit... oops, I can't swear... nothing a few Hail Mary's won't cure!" Crapp said, his hand slowly panning across an imaginary crowd of people.

But the question still remains, now that Krede has essentially admitted to singing about God, does this lump them into the same category as Amy Grant or Jars of Clay?

"Man, our band is like, against being labelled as 'Christian'; we just want to like rock out, and sing about stuff... just mainly God-related stuff," Crapp said.

"And another thing, I don't sound like Neddie Vader," Crapp said with conviction – religious-type conviction.

"Bands like us, and other bands, like Theory Should be Dead, Man, Nicklecrap and Defucked, are not trying to sound like Neddie either," Crap said.

Just then, unexpectedly, God interrupted: "Of course you're trying to sound like Vader, it is abundantly obvious. I see things, I am God after all... duh."

God then agreed not to smite Crapp, but promised he and his bandmates years in purgatory for unleashing such pestilence... err... music, upon humanity.


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