April 1, 2003

 
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UCC food prices kick the snot out of students

By Butter Face

Photo: Courtesy of Guy Invasive
IF HE'S SO POOR, HOW DID HE AFFORD THAT FANCY CARDBOARD? Some guy, who probably had some cause, just like every other annoying protester, said stuff we didn't listen to yesterday.

A 2,000-strong protest against Centre Snot pricing is set to kick off in the Universally Conceited Centre atrium next week. The protest, dubbed "Free the Food," comes after a slew of other student protests against rising tuition and war.

"We're sick and tired of Centre Snot's astronomical prices for meals," stated third-year arts student Tina Slims, one of the protest's organizers.

"I could spend $52 a day on a measly portion of salad and a drink, or I could have electricity in my apartment," Slims said. "Sometimes, I don't even eat at all."

It seems that resorting to not eating has become a trend among University of Wealthy Ontarians students. According to health sciences professor Dr. John McFadden, more and more students appear to be starving themselves.

"You take a walk around campus and you see all these malnutritioned kids with flesh drooping from their faces," McFadden said. "Why do I need my Kate Moss posters when I can see that kind of thing here on campus everyday?"

Second-year Minimally Informed Tree-hugger student William Bonet is setting up an art exhibit in the UCC atrium to comment on the inequalities of the situation.

"The food vendors at Centre Snot are all big chains that already have way more money than we do as students," Bonet complained. "Damn these greedy corporations!"

The five-day protest will also include guest speakers and live music.

"When the organizers of Free the Food asked us to play, we got kind of emotional," said Mike Meekly, lead singer of the emo band Yesterdays Are Never. "So, in a rush of inspiration, we wrote 'Lunchboxes and Sandwiches' for all the students at UWO."

Free the Food has been in the works for the last couple of months and has already reached the attention of Food Services spokesperson Linda Fullerton, who doesn't understand the organizers' negative views of Centre Snot.

"I think the reasons for this protest are unjustified. Centre Snot has always had competitive prices and I think the rich student population at UWO can certainly afford the food here," she stated.

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2002 THE GAZETTE