There are very few
things in this world that can be described as, "better than sex,"
"bigger than Jesus," "happier than the happiest place
on earth," "the 'new' Eden" and "more magical than
Disney's Magic Kingdom."
The University of Wealthy Ontarians is one of those things..
in double trouble?
This September brings about a new challenge for the University of Wealthy
Ontarians – one question is on the minds of faculty, administration
and students alike: will the mass influx of first-year students spell
"double trouble," or will the autumn be cohort-alicious?.
implant referendum contested
The Unholy Self-serving
Children is up in arms concerning the results of last Friday's student
breast implant referendum.
Juan jewel thief
In a modern romantic
tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, Pal Davenporsche, the president
of the University of Wealthy Ontarians, recently had his heart broken
by an international diamonds thief.
UCC food prices
kick the snot out of students
2,000-strong protest against Centre Snot pricing is set to kick off in
the Universally Conceited Centre atrium next week. The protest, dubbed
"Free the Food," comes after a slew of other student protests
against rising tuition and war.
Penguins are the enemy
I have taken
it upon myself to answer the eternal question that has haunted humanity
for generations: why is there no human life in Antarctica?
One must first understand the origin of humanity to effectively
answer this question. When aliens (who ironically looked much like
present-day Marlon Brando) first came to earth and seeded it with
human life, they also put little human seeds in Antarctica. Dinosaur
fossils were consequently placed in the ground in order to confound
modern scientists as to humanity's true origins, and corn was introduced
into the Earth's environment so that it would one day allow us to
mass-produce nachos. God bless those bloated alien beach balls.
> I'll No Pogo your baby-killing,
fat-cat, capitalist ass
> SOF whines, feelings hurt
> Dick Ivy Capitalist Strikes Back
> UWO "Hippies Hippie" wins teaching
> Dr. Beach coming to UWO
> Learning the ABCs of STDs
> Professor spells 14 words correctly
> Infant named SARS
> In Memorium: The president's dog
> Celebrities reach out to Iraq, Vanilla Ice lives
> Damn cryptic kids
> If you like bands that aren't really that good,
> Krede comes clean
> Culture on display at MacDaddy Gallery
> 2 Quarters avoids nine shots and sells 12,000,000
> Tossing midgets, not salads
> Hey fun boys, where's the funding?
> Rock, paper, scissors
> Drugs are good for you, trust us
> In Brief