April 1, 2003

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SOF whines, feelings hurt

This is a letter in response to that big meany who wrote all that mean stuff about SOFs (Sleeps Only with Freshmen) to tell him to stop being mean.

We aren't a bunch of couldn't-get-a-real-summer-job-so-I-worked-at-a-summer-camp-till-I-was-20 social rejects, who can't find roommates for second-year and love wearing pants whose leg circumference rivals that of a silo.

We are people too – people with names like Bubbles, Fluffy, Getalife, Nofuture, Fewfriends, Smalldick and Flip Flop. But more importantly, people with feelings.

Granted, we have difficulty finding others who can stand being near us for more than five minutes, so the roommate issue is still a problem. But to say we can't find real jobs is mean. We can find jobs, we just choose to stave-off reality for as long as possible.

Stop the senseless SOF-bashing. We cry ourselves to sleep many a night, usually in the comfortable confines of a freshmen's arms, away from all those damning eyes that damn us so. Damn you all!

Jiminy "The Laydee'z Man" McNodate
Whineology XI

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