Volume 96, Issue 99
Friday, April 4, 2003

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Stop spouting crap!

Where's Chip?
Dale Wyatt
A&E Editor

After spending the last two years at The Gazette as an Arts & Entertainment editor, both reading and conducting countless interviews, I decided to compose a Top 10 list of responses that I'm sick of hearing from bands:

#10 – "What separates us from other bands is that we aren't in it for the money." This is by far one of the most popular statements. That alone should tell you something. Everyone needs money to survive. You couldn't be in a band without it. Think about it.

#9 – "This album is our best album to date." Greg Graffin of Bad Religion said it best when he stated, "If you don't think your current album is your best, then you should stop making music." Amen.

#8 – "We prefer playing live." Well, no shit. There are very few "studio" bands in existence anymore. The point of most music is for the live experience. Of course, not all music works that well live.

#7 – "Even my Grandma likes us." You can also substitute "mom" in here. Is this supposed to be funny? I'm sorry, unless your Grandma is Jesus reincarnated, why would I care what she thinks? How is this a measurement of tolerance? My Grandma loves backgammon, but that sure as hell doesn't mean I do.

#6 – "We just wanna rock, man." What the hell does this mean? In all my years I have never been able to figure it out. It's like saying, "I just wanna be cool." Sorry to tell you this, but only losers say that. Get what I'm trying to say?

#5 – "We prefer being indie. Major labels just screw everybody." Don't kid yourself, indie labels will screw you over just as much as larger labels if you're not careful, especially when it comes to money.

#4 – "We're kind of like The Beatles meet Ozzy." You can sub in any two bands or artists that sound absolutely nothing alike. If you aren't half as good as one of them, how can you sound as good as both?

#3 – "We're like nothing you have ever seen." Unless you live under a rock and have never been to see a live concert, or watched MuchMusic, this statement is false 99.9 per cent of the time. I can almost guarantee whatever you're doing has been done before.

#2 – "We want to bring music back to where it was umpteen number of years ago." First off, you can't recreate a time. Music is usually molded by the struggles and problems that are being faced when it is created. Plus, music should never become stagnant. Keep moving forward.

#1 – "When you're this ugly, this is the only way to get laid." OK, I only heard this once, but loved it so much I thought I would reprint it for those who missed it. Darren, your Bush rules my League, buddy.


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