Volume 96, Issue 99
Friday, April 4, 2003

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SATIRE: Saddam's birthday

By Shannon Proudfoot
Gazette Staff

In spite of pressure from the war in Iraq, sources say that Saddam Hussein will be taking time out to celebrate his 66th birthday in style on Apr. 28.

The Iraqi Minister of Parties and Propaganda leaked information regarding the fete on condition of anonymity, wishing to avoid further international animosity towards Iraq from countries who are not invited.

"He refused to invite North Korea because last year Kim Jong-il was showboating so badly in the limbo contest," explained the minister. "Saddam can be so competitive – the party ended in a fist fight over who was the most evil dictator."

A Disney-themed celebration is planned this year, provoking speculation that Hussein may be attempting to placate the United States by paying homage to beloved American cartoon characters.

The Minister of Parties dismissed such a notion, explaining, "Nah, Saddam just thinks Princess Jasmine is hot. He has some kind of magic carpet fantasy."

The party will feature loot bags containing oversized novelty sunglasses, glow-in-the-dark yo-yos and mustache wax for evil twirling whilst hatching plots.

An unconfirmed rumour suggests that George W. Bush and Tony Blair plan to crash the party and spike the punch with Ex-Lax.

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2002 THE GAZETTE