Polishuk picks his
|WACKO JACKO STRIKES
AGAIN. Michael Jackson picks up the Shuk award for "saddest moments
in terms of unintentional comedy."
Live from the second
floor of the University Community Centre, it's the first annual Shuky
Awards! With your hosts, Bob Newhart and Cher! Honouring the best in TV
since September even though the TV season isn't officially over
until next month. Hopefully none of my winners will make me look foolish
by pulling a Seinfeld with their season finales.
The West Wing: Rob Lowe is gone, but Joshua Malina more than
fills his shoes. Honourable Mention: Angel
Malcolm in the Middle: It doesn't have a laugh track, and it
sure ain't funny. Therefore, it's a drama. Honourable Mention: The 10
minutes I watched of Kingpin
Curb Your Enthusiasm: It's even funnier since I realized that
Larry David is just like Mr. Crawford, my high school math teacher. Honourable
My Big Fat Greek Life: Way to beat a dead horse. Honourable Mention:
Good Morning Miami
BEST TALK SHOW
The Daily Show: Despite my never meeting him, Jon Stewart will
probably be named my child's godfather. Honourable Mention: Conan
WORST TALK SHOW
Jimmy Kimmel Live: It's lost without Snoop. Honourable Mention:
BEST REALITY SHOW
Survivor: This season might be the best one yet. My pick is Christy
the deaf girl, who will use the money to buy a bunch of signs like Bob
Dylan. Honourable Mention: The Mole
WORST REALITY SHOW
Am I Hot?: A show that is a waste of a laser pointer. Honourable
Mention: MTV's Becoming
MOST IMPROVED SHOW
Angel: After last year's mostly godawful season, Angel has had
nothing but great episodes since November. Honourable Mention: Friends
SHOWS THAT HAVE OFFICIALLY JUMPED THE SHARK
Law & Order: The ultimate formula show has finally become too
formulaic and tired. Honourable Mention: ER
BEST SHOW THAT'LL PROBABLY BE CANCELLED
Andy Richter Controls The Universe: Somewhere, Triumph is crying.
Honourable Mention: Boomtown
IMAGINARY TV GIRLFRIEND
Tina Fey (Saturday Night Live): My glasses fetish strikes again.
Honourable Mention: Jennifer Garner (Alias), Emma Caulfield (Buffy),
Elisha Cuthbert (24), Martine Gaillard (The Score)
IMAGINARY TV BOYFRIEND
I'm not qualified to answer this, so let's say all of them tied for first.
Honourable Mention: The guys on TV Western.
BEST NEW SHOW IN RERUNS
Family Guy on the Cartoon Network: Why the deuce did FOX cancel
this show? Honourable Mention: Law & Order on Bravo
The death of Mr. Rogers.
"SADDEST" MOMENT IN TERMS OF UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY
By a landslide, the Michael Jackson interviews. Honourable Mention: Heath
Ledger's facial tick at the Golden Globes.
BEST TV COLUMNIST
Scott Feschuk, National Post. His name is not unlike mine, so,
in a way, we're both winners! Or, in another, more accurate way, he is
the winner. Chukvision trumps Shukvision, but wait 'til next year.
Editor's note: Polishuk will be returning next year as Opinions Editor,
but Shukvision will surely continue its visionary and senseless coverage
of television in September.