Volume 96, Issue 100
Tuesday, April 8, 2003

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Polishuk picks his TV boyfriend
 
 
Gazette file photo
WACKO JACKO STRIKES AGAIN. Michael Jackson picks up the Shuk award for "saddest moments in terms of unintentional comedy."

Live from the second floor of the University Community Centre, it's the first annual Shuky Awards! With your hosts, Bob Newhart and Cher! Honouring the best in TV since September – even though the TV season isn't officially over until next month. Hopefully none of my winners will make me look foolish by pulling a Seinfeld with their season finales.


BEST DRAMA
The West Wing: Rob Lowe is gone, but Joshua Malina more than fills his shoes. Honourable Mention: Angel

WORST DRAMA
Malcolm in the Middle: It doesn't have a laugh track, and it sure ain't funny. Therefore, it's a drama. Honourable Mention: The 10 minutes I watched of Kingpin

BEST SITCOM
Curb Your Enthusiasm: It's even funnier since I realized that Larry David is just like Mr. Crawford, my high school math teacher. Honourable Mention: Scrubs

WORST SITCOM
My Big Fat Greek Life: Way to beat a dead horse. Honourable Mention: Good Morning Miami

BEST TALK SHOW
The Daily Show: Despite my never meeting him, Jon Stewart will probably be named my child's godfather. Honourable Mention: Conan O'Brien

WORST TALK SHOW
Jimmy Kimmel Live: It's lost without Snoop. Honourable Mention: CNN Crossfire

BEST REALITY SHOW
Survivor: This season might be the best one yet. My pick is Christy the deaf girl, who will use the money to buy a bunch of signs like Bob Dylan. Honourable Mention: The Mole

WORST REALITY SHOW
Am I Hot?: A show that is a waste of a laser pointer. Honourable Mention: MTV's Becoming

MOST IMPROVED SHOW
Angel: After last year's mostly godawful season, Angel has had nothing but great episodes since November. Honourable Mention: Friends

SHOWS THAT HAVE OFFICIALLY JUMPED THE SHARK

Law & Order: The ultimate formula show has finally become too formulaic and tired. Honourable Mention: ER

BEST SHOW THAT'LL PROBABLY BE CANCELLED
Andy Richter Controls The Universe: Somewhere, Triumph is crying. Honourable Mention: Boomtown

IMAGINARY TV GIRLFRIEND
Tina Fey (Saturday Night Live): My glasses fetish strikes again. Honourable Mention: Jennifer Garner (Alias), Emma Caulfield (Buffy), Elisha Cuthbert (24), Martine Gaillard (The Score)

IMAGINARY TV BOYFRIEND
I'm not qualified to answer this, so let's say all of them tied for first. Honourable Mention: The guys on TV Western.

BEST NEW SHOW IN RERUNS
Family Guy on the Cartoon Network: Why the deuce did FOX cancel this show? Honourable Mention: Law & Order on Bravo

SADDEST MOMENT
The death of Mr. Rogers.

"SADDEST" MOMENT IN TERMS OF UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY
By a landslide, the Michael Jackson interviews. Honourable Mention: Heath Ledger's facial tick at the Golden Globes.

BEST TV COLUMNIST
Scott Feschuk, National Post. His name is not unlike mine, so, in a way, we're both winners! Or, in another, more accurate way, he is the winner. Chukvision trumps Shukvision, but wait 'til next year.

Editor's note: Polishuk will be returning next year as Opinions Editor, but Shukvision will surely continue its visionary and senseless coverage of television in September.

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2002 THE GAZETTE