Does this mean what it says?
Thrust n' Perry
Our language is in a state of disrepair.
As the news department’s only English major, I give
you a dozen translations guaranteed to help navigate our
1. Have a nice day: This one tries really hard. A bubbly coffee
server can occasionally convince you it’s legit, but
don’t be fooled. Translation: “Get the fuck out
of line; there’s someone behind you.”
2. Sorry for any inconvenience: No, you’re not. This
phrase equates to a big dose of, “we’re going to
do whatever the hell we want, and there’s nothing you
can do about it.”
3. We should really get together sometime: I’ve heard
that a few thousand times now. I’ve stopped listening.
Yeah, I heard you... you said, “You’re really not
important enough for me to make time for you.” Got it.
4. Fuck you Dan Perry, and fuck The Gazette too: No wait,
people usually mean that.
5. Thank you for your concern: Popular response to overbearing
employers or co-workers, and especially parents who feel the
need to remind you of absolutely everything. A childish, “You’re
not the boss of me!” would be equally effective.
6. I look forward to your reply: Usually employed in e-mails.
I only look forward to your reply because I don’t want
to wait for it any longer. Translation: “I’m an
impatient reporter” (Hey, no one’s perfect).
7. Interesting: e.g. “How was your weekend?” “It
was... interesting.” Multiple translations here: 1) I
don’t remember, 2) I don’t want to talk about it
and 3) It’s too much to get into. You get nothing out
of this word. The user intends to shut down discussion; ironically,
it begs that you ask for more information. Translation of choice: “You
know I’ll end up telling you, I’m just dragging
it out to piss you off.”
8. Dude/Man/Guy/Buddy: The classic way to pass ignorance off
as camaraderie. Best equated to, “I forget your name
and I’m afraid to ask.”
9. Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll
call you?: Girls, you’re not fooling anybody. See term
10. I’d really appreciate that: When you do something
your boss would “really appreciate,” does your
boss take any time to consider all the factors that went into
your performance? Ha! Translation: “Do it. Now.”
11. No: Easily the most sensitive word in the language. I
still can’t figure this one out.
12. Thank you for your input: A professor’s best friend,
used to keep the professor’s other best friend — the
dumbass who “contributes” to the lecture by comparing
the subject matter to the mating habits of lemurs — subdued.
Synonym of “Shut the hell up, please.”