Volume 96, Issue 74
Tuesday, February 11, 2003

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THE USUAL SUSPECTS

By Emmett Macfarlane
Gazette Staff

Last week was more than your average week in terms of criminal activity, as campus hooliganism turned downright raunchy.

Two males were jumped in the A parking lot next to Sommerville House by six to eight males at 2:40 a.m. last Tuesday, according to Const. Colleen Kelly, spokesperson for the University Police Department. "They received minor injuries," she said, adding no charges have been laid.

Earlier that day, a female victim was walking on the University Drive bridge at 12:30 p.m. and looked down – instantly becoming blind. "A female spotted a male on the pathway with his pants around his ankles," Kelly said.

The suspect is a white male, approximately 5'9", 180 pounds with a medium build. Kelly gave no indication as to whether or not the suspect was hung like an elephant.

A fire alarm went off at Lambton Hall Saturday night after someone's cooking went horribly astray. The rest of the residents were unappreciative.

Some crazy chick went nuts at The Drink Saturday night after she was told to leave, according to Const. Paul Martin, spokesperson for the London Police Department. A fight that started in The Drink spilled outside.

The female was arrested for assault and being intoxicated in a public place. "She kicked the officer in the knee. When she was in the cruiser, she kicked out the window of the cruiser," Martin said. The Gazette's editor-in-chief, Chris Lackner, would like to publicly apologize for his date's behaviour.

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2002 THE GAZETTE