HAPPIEST CHAIR ON EARTH. No doubt about it, variety is sexy, so don't
limit your activities to one bed, room, house or maybe even partner.
sex lives: the good, the bad and the kinky
female friend and I once got locked in her bedroom when the doorknob jammed.
We called her landlord, but he couldn’t come over for two hours.
Things were awkward at first, but we quickly decided to eliminate the
tension in the air by having wild, hot, sweaty, passionate sex. We tried
every position we could think of, and were absolutely exhausted by the
time the landlord let us out of the room.
My boyfriend and I decided to get a little crazy and do it outside, so
there we were at a golf course, in the middle of the night, totally going
at it on the hood of my car. There were cars driving around just out of
sight, and we could hear people walking through the woods. The experience
was so intense, my orgasm would have shaken the richter scales! Damn,
I still get shivers thinking about it!
—“Tiger” in the Woods (Meow)
It would have to be the first time with my boyfriend. There wasn’t
any worry about how either of us was doing — nothing but focussing
on each other. The rest of the world melted away and we were alone and
happy, and loving each other. Every touch, every lick, every motion was
so vivid and is etched into my mind. In short, it was meaningful; it was
making love. You can’t compare meaningful sex to any other regular
fuck. They’re on completely different levels of existance. For those
who need the gory details, it was an oral/mutual masturbation event. But,
while those words describe the actions, they can’t even begin to
explain the feelings that were exploding in my mind throughout. It was
absolutely the most amazing thing.
I once caught my girlfriend anally pleasuring some guy with a carrot.
It turned out that she’d been cheating on me with him for six months,
and that the vegetables she’d served me for dinner during that time
weren’t exactly “garden fresh.” I got back at her, though,
by methodically ejaculating in every one of her shoes. We’re now
—The Green Giant
It was my boyfriend’s birthday, and he wanted to rent a porno, and
try to keep up with all the different sexual position changes. I was skeptical,
but a loving girlfriend, so I agreed. We finally get into doggy-style,
but things had been moving so quickly that we weren’t well positioned....
long story short, he ended up pushing me so hard my face hit the TV stand,
and I got a black eye. Try explaining that to your friends and family.
—The Porn Queen
I went into the woods with a guy (my first mistake). Branches picking
at you and nettles and everything — you get all scratched up. I
was performing orally on him and he came so quickly that I wasn’t
even sure we had done anything. I knew he was coming when he pushed my
head down on him and was choking me with his shaft right in the back of
my throat. I wanted to gag; it was horrible. Then he ran off, so I didn’t
even get any satisfaction myself.
My roommate is one of the loudest people I have ever met. The other day
I didn’t go to sleep until 5 a.m due to her endless moaning. I don’t
mean like “oh baby,” or “give it to me” —
I think she has full on conversations with her boyfriend while their getting
their freak on. When they first began to have sex, at least they had the
common decency to put on some loud music so the rest of us couldn’t
hear them, but all I hear now is loud and disgusting sex sounds. I’ve
had to camp over in my friend’s room a few times because of the
endless slurping, grunting and “ooohhh’s” and “aaaaaahs.”
Clearly, there needs to be better insulation in this damn building.
—In need of earplugs