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THE SEX ISSUE

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Gazette editors pick their ideal man/woman

Gwyneth Paltrow — “Eternal Grace”

When daddy goes to sleep at night, lush green fields with electric yellow dandelions fill my head. I run barefoot, hand in hand, with the love of my life through the thick blades of grass, with the sweet smell of summer rushing over me.

She looks into my eyes and says, “Oh, Ryan” and I look into hers and exclaim, “Oh, Gwyneth.”

Not only is Gwyneth Paltrow an absolute rocket, she is also that girl you see in pictures with jeans and a form-fitting, button-down white shirt, with little to no makeup on, who still makes you look up to the sky and praise heaven that you were spawned a male.

Gwyneth, even though I unfortunately don’t know her personally, looks like that girl who could look phenomenal after a day from hell, keeping her humour all the while.

—Ryan Hickman



Katie Holmes — “The Girl Next Door”

Maybe it’s how everything good about them is nestled gently under the surface. Maybe it’s the way you’re more likely to find them wearing an understated T-shirt and shorts ensemble than makeup. Maybe it’s just a simple issue of accessibility. Whatever the reason, the “girl next door” type has always rung my bell.

The girl next door prototype, is, of course, the girl across the creek — Katie Holmes. I can’t help but wonder why the producers of Dawson’s Creek insist on equipping Holmes’s character Joey with a large vocabulary, when it is clearly evident and utterly unfair that girls like her (of which, there are few) can win any argument with their eyes.

It’s all about the intricacies; imperfections become endearing when you factor in the innocence, or at least the illusion of it, that girls next door project.

The only problem with these girls is finding the alleged neighbourhoods they populate — I sure as hell haven’t lived in one yet.

I guess I’ll have to be patient, but when I think about all the characteristics embodied by a girl like Katie Holmes, you guessed it, “I don’t wanna wait.”

— Ryan Dixon

 

Shakira — “The foreign sex goddess”

There is something about foreign women that has always intrigued me, and Shakira is the ultimate example.

First off, foreign women like her are damn sexy. From the tanned skin, healthy figure and cute accent, to the flowing bleached blonde hair (a love that began with Christina Applegate in Married With Children), Shakira is like the Hot Lips of eye candy.

In fact, if she were a model car, her ad campaign might look something like this:

Introducing the all new Shakira. This intelligent foreign model comes with a nice sized trunk, a sleek rounded exterior, great handling, two beautiful headlights and best of all, it does well on impact.

Credit must be paid to the accent. I don’t know why, but the “I can barley speak a word of how you say, English” thing is appealing. Then you get to teach them to say things like “I am sex machine” and “Dale is the world’s best lover.” OK, the last one might be a stretch.

— Dale Wyatt

 

Sarah Polley — “the eccentric type”

You can line up all the Gwyneths, Katies and Shakiras in the world, but, in the end, they are a dime a dozen. The world is full of actresses and rock stars who fit the flagbearing standard of modern feminine beauty, and, while I won’t deny they can make my heart (and other body parts) flutter, they’re not the kind of girl that can cast a permanent spell over my heart.

Sarah Polley, Canadian indie-movie queen, fiery activist and unconventional beauty, quite handily fits my recipe for enchantment — a woman whose eyes speak of an army of intriguing secrets that lay just beneath her cool veneer, and unconsciously seductive half-smile.

She’s the kind of woman you could spend endless hours of conversation with, enspelled by her thoughts on politics, social issues, literature and pop culture, while aching the whole time to brush that loose strand of hair from her face (and knowing it would be tough to stop there).

Maybe it’s the lefty in her — the activist charm — or her ability to look inherently adorable in a ratty old T-shirt or vintage clothing; maybe it’s knowing that I wouldn’t be waking up to meaningless, awkwardconversation.

Sarah — just one kiss and then we’ll take on “The Man” together.

—Chris Lackner

 

Matthew Good — “The Brooding Musician”

Before you even say it; he’s NOT an asshole — he’s just misunderstood by a lot of people and has been misrepresented by the media time and time again.

Matthew Good has been my ideal man for quite some time now, and he doesn’t show any signs of slowing down in the race with a new album and a London tour date on the horizon.

Why would sweet-as-sugar Maggie choose a rebellious, asshole-ish rocker like Matt?

There are a lot of reasons, but the main ones are: he’s smarter than you, talented as hell and never shies away from speaking his mind.
I need a man who won’t cower in the corner, but will be able to step up and tell those “Dubya” supporters where to go — Matt is that kind of man.

Whether it is through his writing, his music or his tumultuous interviews, Matt always stays true to himself and his own values and opinions. He’s the antithesis of the subdued, polite Canadian man.

Have I mentioned that he’s published a book, broken up with his problematic band for good (ha, ha) and written some of the greatest, most important rock music to ever come out of Canada? Plus, he likes soccer and has nice lips. What more could you ask for, really? Matt Good for president AND prime minister.

I rest my case.

— Maggie Wrobel

 

José Theodore — “Euro-hot athlete”

Hockey players are the gladiators of our age. Their athletic skill, hyper-masculinity and physique-emphasizing equipment all add up to a rather attractive package.

That said, Montreal Canadiens’ goalie José Theodore is by far the most attractive gladiator in the NHL. Beyond José’s prowess in guarding his team’s net, his smoldering “Euro-hot” looks are enough to earn this girl’s nomination for any number of trophies.

I have been reminded numerous times that José is Quebecois and not in fact European, but “Euro-hot” is a state of mind and a look that has little to do with actual pedigree.

José’s luxurious dark hair (hockey hair, not a mullet) flopping in his eyes and tousled by the effort of a game is the most crucial element of his Euro-hotness.

José’s flashing dark eyes add an adorable quality that makes his hotness more accessible.

All this would be enough to melt any rink, but coupled with the intensity and sweaty dishevelment of a professional hockey player fresh off the ice, it is nearly primal in its attractiveness.

—Shannon Proudfoot

 

Patrick Swayze — “The Dirty Dancer”

OK, so maybe I am living in the past, but Patrick Swayze circa Dirty Dancing was damn hot.

When that man enters the screen with his tight shirt and his muscles ripping through — wow. Even after watching the movie more times than I should admit, he still makes my knees go week — especially when that shirt comes off.

As a naïve little girl watching the movie for the first time, there was always something about Swayze lifting actress Jennifer Gray in the water that made me wish I was her. Part of it was the romantic aura of the water, but a larger part of it was Patrick having no shirt on.
I’m willing to admit his pants are a little tighter than I like them, but they aren’t too tight — they still leave things up to the imagination.

So, besides my superficial love for his body, what makes me wish I could take myself back to the 80s and enjoy a little bit of “lover boy” for myself? He is a rebel with a conscience. He has that free-spirited side to him that drives me crazy, but is still a caring guy underneath it all.

Plus, he has that one big asset that very few guys have: he can dance. There is nothing sexier than a man who can dance.

—Kasia Iglinski

 

Johnny Depp — “The Dark Sensitive Type”

Some may say that his day has come and gone, but to me, Johnny Depp is even more beautiful today than he was in his rookie years.

There’s no doubt that Depp is an attractive man, but he has a dark side that makes him much more interesting than most of the cookie-cutter Hollywood leading men. As such, Depp’s role as Edward Scissorhands becomes infinitely more desirable than “lady-killers” like Jerry Maguire.

Due to his incredible ability to portray angst and passion, Depp has a definite talent for taking on tortured roles. Though he is often made to look “pretty,” it is during Depp’s moments of darkness that his beauty truly shines.

At the same time, Depp’s eyes convey a sensitivity and emotional depth that almost pierces the soul. Though he can appear dark and dangerous, Depp is clearly a true romantic beneath his tough exterior. Someone who would probably not fall in love easily, but if he did, he’d fall hard.

Conversations with Johnny Depp would, no doubt, be filled with passion and meaning, as opposed to boring superficiality. His perfect blend of mystery and genuine emotion makes him a guy worth the chase.

—Megan O’Toole

© 2003 THE GAZETTE