THE USUAL SUSPECTS: Tracking peepers across the snow
Though Disorientation Week is but a foggy memory, it seems the spirit of drunkenness and disorientation lives on in the Western community.
According to Const. Wendy McGowan, spokesperson for the University Police Department, there was only an average occurrence of debaucherous debacles last week.
The ball got rolling last Monday at 2:36 a.m. when a male student informed the UPD that he was being followed by another male near Talbot College. The UPD was unable to apprehend the suspect, and urged all students to be on the lookout for suspicious characters.
On Tuesday, a fed-up student was caught trying to steal a meal from the ridiculously priced University Community Centre cafeteria, Centre Spot. Though the student was not charged with theft criminally, he will be punished under Western's infamous Student Code of Conduct. When asked how he felt about his punishment the student said, "[Western's cafeterias] steal from us everyday why aren't they punished?"
Members of Western's immoral underworld struck again on Wednesday, when a gray Chrysler Intrepid was stolen from outside the Western Daycare Centre on Western Road. The investigation has since been handed over to the London Police Department.
On Wednesday evening, UPD was called to assist LPD officers on Huron Street, after an unknown male was seen peering into bedroom windows. McGowan urged all students to report similar sightings as soon as possible. "This is a good time of year to catch people like this because we may be able to find their footprints in the snow," McGowan explained.
Also on Wednesday evening, two male residents were caught smoking the sweet sensimilia grass outside of Saugeen-Maitland Hall residence. The suspects were also not charged criminally and instead will be punished through the Student Code of Conduct.
When questioned by police as to why they would ever smoke such a dangerous gateway drug, the suspects simply mumbled that they liked The Simpsons and hoped they could get back to residence before the snack bar closed.