Volume 96, Issue 67
Wednesday, January 29, 2003

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How to construct a loser

Re: "How to build a bong," Jan. 22

To the Editor:

In response to "How to build a bong" and "The world of illicit drugs," I think it is good to include another informative article on how to build a loser.

Supplies:

1) You
2) "Substances"
3) Alot of free time (you'll get used to it)

10 Steps:
1) Take a hit.
2) Take another hit.
3) Laugh annoyingly and repeatedly at unimportant things that only other people using aforementioned "substances" find funny.
4) Take another hit.
5) Act "chill." So chill you are borderline comatose and very uninteresting.
6) Take yet another hit.
7) Use aforementioned substances to make even the most mundane things interesting, i.e. going to movies, going to bars, sitting at home, walking to the bathroom, waking up, going to bed, etc...
8) Oh look, it's only been 15 minutes – time for another hit!
9) Realize that all of your friends are as boring as you are.
10) Take yet another hit. And then another. Repeat unto infinity.

Albert DeSantis
Honours MIT IV

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