Don't let strangers
to Seegobin: "This place is a grocery goldmine, we should
have worn clothes with bigger pockets."
All three chefs raid
the cupboards and fridge of the household. Lundblad is quick to invade
the refrigerator, and emerges with a package of tortillas and a big grin.
Seegobin moves at a slower pace, as she investigates the cupboards and
takes out a Zip Lock bag of rice. Lackner is the slowest out of the starting
gates and looks slightly frazzled. Perhaps he is not in his "element."
Lackner: "Do you guys have hot dogs?"
The answer is no.
One of Robinson and Campbell's roommates emerges from her room, with a
look of concern, and asks what's going on. Her question is merely greeted
with a mutual expression of confusion and fear on behalf of both men.
Campbell: "Do you ever start regretting things?"
Robinson: "I'm regretting things right now."
While all three chefs scramble under the time constraints, the residents
of the house become increasingly bewildered. Lackner finally finds an
ingredient to his liking lime Jell-O. While the rice cooks in a
pot, Seegobin chops onions and Lundblad, being a fireball in the kitchen,
has already chopped red and green peppers and is shredding cheddar cheese.
As time progresses, the chefs become more focused and are snappy towards
those who try to distract them.
Campbell: "What are we eating?"
Seegobin (very curt): "So far, you're having rice
"Jell-O is so complex."
Lackner has trouble figuring out how to make Jell-O.
Lackner: "How do you make Jell-O? This stuff is
pretty complex. One time I screwed up the Jell-O, because I put the cold
water in before the hot water."
Seegobin: "Something's wrong with the rice."
This gourmet chef must not be used to dealing with Minute Rice.
The fastest and most organized of the chefs, Lundblad has piled on the
shredded cheddar, onions, tomatoes and peppers in between two tortillas
and is ready to put them into a pre-heated oven. Seegobin tries to hide
her panic as she cooks, but her confidence momentarily breaks during a
struggle with a can of PAM. The top of the spray can pops off and causes
minor injury to an innocent photographer. Shaking off the setback, she
quickly sprays a heated pan with PAM.
Robinson: "It's a non-stick pan!"
says to Britney: "YOU cry me a river."
After patiently watching the water boil in a kettle, Lackner is able to
mix the hot water with the Jell-O mix. He refuses suggestions to add fruit
or any other ingredients to his delectable dessert. Jell-O, he argues,
cannot be messed with. It is after all, a rare treat. Upon mixing the
rice with stir-fried onions and peppers, Seegobin discovers a Club House
mix titled "Vegetable Spice."
Seegobin: "I'm a chef!"
Campbell: "You guys do dishes too, right?"
Lundblad prepares for her quesadillas to be eaten with garnishes, sour
cream and salsa a creamy and tangy combination that she claims,
tantalizes the tastes buds and soothes the soul (kind of like Pop Rocks
candy, but less violent). Seegobin adds a "splash" of white
wine into her stir-fry mixture for additional aroma, and another "splash"
for herself for additional motivation.
Seegobin: "I like to taste my own creations."
As we near the finale, Lackner manages to add the cup of cold water and
let the Jell-O set in the refrigerator.
Campbell: "No, no, put it in this refrigerator [the
one in the closet that we never use and where food goes to die]."
Lundblad pulls the baked quesadillas from the oven and cuts them into
Lundblad: "I win!"
Lackner: "It wasn't a competition."
Lundblad: "I don't care, I still win."
like the food? Yes.
Did he like weirdos cooking in his house? Yes.
After spreading both sour cream and salsa on a quarter of the quesadilla,
Campbell tastes Lundblad's creation and gives it the thumbs up. Seegobin,
who has remained quiet since the PAM incident, proudly declares her stir-fry
complete and serves it to the guys. Robinson takes a bite and proclaims
the dish edible.
Seegobin: "So... how is it?"
Robinson: "It's good."
Seegobin: "Are you kidding?"
Robinson: "No, I'm serious."
Seegobin: "Would you pay for it?"
Robinson: "I don't know about that. It's missing
Campbell: "We like meat."
Robinson (looks around the kitchen): "How are we
going to explain this to Mike [their roommate, whose food was technically
stolen by our Gazette chefs]?"
Approximately 20 minutes later, the fiesty Swede, the little PAM sprayer
and the Jell-O man left the strangers' home victorious. The three culinary
musketeers proved three things to Western students you don't have
to die of starvation, mesh-back caps can make you look like a jack-ass,
and, yes, you can cook a meal that covers all four student food groups:
vegetables, dairy, gelatin and alcohol.