Volume 96, Issue 68
Thursday, January 30, 2003

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Don't let strangers in...

1st minute:

Lundblad to Seegobin: "This place is a grocery goldmine, we should have worn clothes with bigger pockets."

All three chefs raid the cupboards and fridge of the household. Lundblad is quick to invade the refrigerator, and emerges with a package of tortillas and a big grin. Seegobin moves at a slower pace, as she investigates the cupboards and takes out a Zip Lock bag of rice. Lackner is the slowest out of the starting gates and looks slightly frazzled. Perhaps he is not in his "element."

Lackner: "Do you guys have hot dogs?"

The answer is no.

3rd minute:

One of Robinson and Campbell's roommates emerges from her room, with a look of concern, and asks what's going on. Her question is merely greeted with a mutual expression of confusion and fear on behalf of both men.

Campbell: "Do you ever start regretting things?"

Robinson: "I'm regretting things right now."

5th minute:

While all three chefs scramble under the time constraints, the residents of the house become increasingly bewildered. Lackner finally finds an ingredient to his liking – lime Jell-O. While the rice cooks in a pot, Seegobin chops onions and Lundblad, being a fireball in the kitchen, has already chopped red and green peppers and is shredding cheddar cheese. As time progresses, the chefs become more focused and are snappy towards those who try to distract them.

Campbell: "What are we eating?"

Seegobin (very curt): "So far, you're having rice and onions."

Lackner: "Jell-O is so complex."

10th minute:

Lackner has trouble figuring out how to make Jell-O.

Lackner: "How do you make Jell-O? This stuff is pretty complex. One time I screwed up the Jell-O, because I put the cold water in before the hot water."

Seegobin: "Something's wrong with the rice."

This gourmet chef must not be used to dealing with Minute Rice.

12th minute:

The fastest and most organized of the chefs, Lundblad has piled on the shredded cheddar, onions, tomatoes and peppers in between two tortillas and is ready to put them into a pre-heated oven. Seegobin tries to hide her panic as she cooks, but her confidence momentarily breaks during a struggle with a can of PAM. The top of the spray can pops off and causes minor injury to an innocent photographer. Shaking off the setback, she quickly sprays a heated pan with PAM.

Robinson: "It's a non-stick pan!"

Seegobin says to Britney: "YOU cry me a river."

15th minute:

After patiently watching the water boil in a kettle, Lackner is able to mix the hot water with the Jell-O mix. He refuses suggestions to add fruit or any other ingredients to his delectable dessert. Jell-O, he argues, cannot be messed with. It is after all, a rare treat. Upon mixing the rice with stir-fried onions and peppers, Seegobin discovers a Club House mix titled "Vegetable Spice."

Seegobin: "I'm a chef!"

Campbell: "You guys do dishes too, right?"

18th minute:

Lundblad prepares for her quesadillas to be eaten with garnishes, sour cream and salsa – a creamy and tangy combination that she claims, tantalizes the tastes buds and soothes the soul (kind of like Pop Rocks candy, but less violent). Seegobin adds a "splash" of white wine into her stir-fry mixture for additional aroma, and another "splash" for herself for additional motivation.

Seegobin: "I like to taste my own creations."

19th minute:

As we near the finale, Lackner manages to add the cup of cold water and let the Jell-O set in the refrigerator.

Campbell: "No, no, put it in this refrigerator [the one in the closet that we never use and where food goes to die]."

Lundblad pulls the baked quesadillas from the oven and cuts them into four quarters.

Lundblad: "I win!"

Lackner: "It wasn't a competition."

Lundblad: "I don't care, I still win."

Did Trevor like the food? Yes.
Did he like weirdos cooking in his house? Yes.

20th minute:

After spreading both sour cream and salsa on a quarter of the quesadilla, Campbell tastes Lundblad's creation and gives it the thumbs up. Seegobin, who has remained quiet since the PAM incident, proudly declares her stir-fry complete and serves it to the guys. Robinson takes a bite and proclaims the dish edible.

Seegobin: "So... how is it?"

Robinson: "It's good."

Seegobin: "Are you kidding?"

Robinson: "No, I'm serious."

Seegobin: "Would you pay for it?"

Robinson: "I don't know about that. It's missing meat."

Campbell: "We like meat."

Robinson (looks around the kitchen): "How are we going to explain this to Mike [their roommate, whose food was technically stolen by our Gazette chefs]?"

Approximately 20 minutes later, the fiesty Swede, the little PAM sprayer and the Jell-O man left the strangers' home victorious. The three culinary musketeers proved three things to Western students – you don't have to die of starvation, mesh-back caps can make you look like a jack-ass, and, yes, you can cook a meal that covers all four student food groups: vegetables, dairy, gelatin and alcohol.


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