not model-worthy for month of June
(Mar. 21 - Apr. 19) - Your dream of becoming America's Next Top Model
is shattered upon realizing your feet are too big and your ears are too
(Apr. 20 - May 20) - Five hours spent on a Richmond St. patio leave you
with a temporary feeling of relief, but a lingering farmer's tan. Sucks
to be you.
(May 21 - June 21) - American Idol withdrawal induces late-night
tremors. However, these episodes become fewer and farther between when
you create visions of Ruben and Clay teaming up for a rendition of "Miss
(June 22 - July 22) - After twelve years of kissing, you and your significant
other finally succumb to the Racy act of making sweet, Amazing
(July 23 - Aug. 22) - Distractions on your road trip lead you to make
a Wrong Turn directly into the wrath of cannibalistic inbred
mountain men. What?
(Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - Your life is boring. You therefore decide to live
vicariously through the lives of hot soap opera stars, taking Days
of 'Our' Lives all too literally.
(Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) - Your sister's boyfriend's cousin's mother made
the first cut of Canadian Idol. Congratulations.
(Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) - Indulging in animated films such as Finding
Nemo leaves you craving childhood treats like popsicles and lollipops,
among various other oral 'tasties.'
(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) - Despite your burning desire to get some hot action
this summer, the only explosions you'll be seeing are those of car explosions
in 2 Fast 2 Furious.
(Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) - You know you've reached the status of a borderline
alcoholic when Jewel's jagged tooth and J.C.'s mullet get you all hot
(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - The cast of The Italian Job leads you to
believe the world is full of beautiful people. However, you don't realize
that you've been misled until after you break up with your significant
(Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) - You just can't stop rockin' your body this month,
leading you into a sultry love triangle resembling that of Xtina, Justin
and Britney. But clearly you're a fighter and you "ain't gonna stop."