Volume 96, Issue 91
Friday, March 21, 2003

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Vince Carter eats poo

Choke on this
B.J. Noufaily
Gazette Staff

Dear Vince Carter,

Stop trying to fool us.

You becoming the leader of the Toronto Raptors really scares me – like midgets and mullets. Stop fooling us – you aren't used to leading. As a member of the North Carolina Tar-heels, you weren't even a regular starter. Back then, you were the dynamo that would take back-door alley-oops to break the zone and finish with a dunk on the fast break. Sadly, today you're still an over-hyped Hollywood blockbuster. There's lots of hype with jaw-dropping moments, but in the end, we all feel like a Las Vegas stripper – screwed.

It wasn't always like this. I remember when the Raptors traded for you. It was obvious you were dynamic and explosive, with enough athleticism to make NBA All-Stars gasp. With you and your developing cousin, Tracy McGrady, the Raptors would have a nucleus that could make a real run for the NBA title. Alas, it all fell apart. You sat idly by, doing nothing to persuade Tracy to stay. Instead you wanted the show to yourself, and you've since become the sell-out, image-first, selfish superstar.

Well, maybe I'm wrong – your team did come one shot from the Eastern Conference Finals the next year (a shot you missed). Still, stop fooling us Vince. Since then you've been as inconsistent as a Russian-made car. Yet, you got your contract extension – a six-year, $83.6 million deal. And how do you show your commitment? You go out and miss 56 games. Your desire and leadership were even questioned by former teammates Keon Clark and Charles Oakley. That really upset you didn't it Vince? There has to be a reason why management shipped them out of town. We wouldn't want to hurt superstar Vince.

While hurt earlier this year, and with your team losing on the road, where were you, Vince? Rehabbing to get back to help them? Working on your inconsistent jump shot and crappy defense? No, you were on stage at a Nelly concert, dancing up a storm. (You must have had some time off between Gatorade shoots and Nike promotional events.) Coincidentally, you came back unexpectedly the next game.

Here's an idea Vince, take the lead from Kobe Bryant, and work on your game. You see, Kobe spends four to five hours a day in the off-season lifting weights and making 1,000 shots a day. Oh, and in case you forgot, he has three championship rings, is second in the league in points and because of his conditioning, doesn't miss games.

I commend you, though. The Raptors took your legendary slam dunk contest victory, and "next Jordan" hype, and tried to create "Vinsanity" – the endless endorsement/promotional/merchandising campaign. However, you don't win anymore; you're just a great salesman. Your official "biography's" title is How Vince Carter conquered the NBA. First of all, who has a biography at 26? And secondly, conquering the NBA usually means winning a title, not selling Gatorade Ice.

You are a phenomenal dunker – like Michael Jordan was when he first came into the league. However, Jordan didn't win a title until he worked to develop his game and became more complete. If you truly want to be great, it's time to grow up.

Ask your cousin Tracy. He has become an MVP candidate and has his team heading to the playoffs. Vince, the only way we'll see you in the playoffs this year is on commercials, selling us more of your crap.


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