THE USUAL SUSPECTS: Thieves love rolling up rims
Surprisingly enough, an extensive investigation has uncovered the fact that not everyone spent their Reading Week reading books.
According to Const. Wendy McGowan, spokesperson for the University Police Department, with the bulk of students basking in the warm glow of the Mexican sun and swooshing down snow-covered ski slopes, it was a fairly quiet week for the campus crime fighting team.
One unlucky workout fanatic did fall victim to on-campus thievery. According to McGowan, a locker was broken into at Campus Recreation and the victim's clothes and identification were stolen. The clothes-less victim was forced to journey home wrapped in nothing more than the 50 cent towel rented from the gym.
On Feb. 28, a purse was stolen from Student Health Services in the basement of the University Community Centre. Accompanying the purse was the phone number of the owner's drug dealer making her lifetime prescription for medicinal marijuana absolutely useless.
Apparently some students have been skipping their ethics lectures, as the Commerce Café in the Richard Ivey School of Business was broken into and vandalized. According to McGowan, the ethics-less perpetrators made away with an empty cash register and several stacks of Tim Hortons coffee cups. Investigators are currently staking out several local emergency rooms, convinced the thieves will be forced to seek medical treatment for sore thumbs after rolling up several dozen rims.