November 21, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 47  

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NEWS

The furnitures are moving

GOOD

Jean Chretien's early departure

The little guy from Shawinigan has decided to call it quits early. After 40 years in public office, he?ll officially be turning over the keys to Paul Martin on Dec. 12. All we can say is, it?s about damn time. Or as Chr?tien himself would say, ?The luggages are packed. The toothbrush is bought. The furnitures are moving.? Ah, sweet music to our ears.

School

It's almost over for the first term. Next up: Christmas!

BAD

Paul Martin

There's one major drawback to Jean Chretien stepping down as prime minister. It's that Paul Martin is stepping in to take his place. Marketing himself as the eternal teenager - la Dick Clark, the 66-year-old Martin (only four years younger then Chretien) will officially be the head of government in a few weeks. The only thing scarier would be to see Sheila Copps moving into 24 Sussex Dr... shudder.

The Blackout

Blackouts really suck and Thursday morning's blackout on campus was much like the one that plagued London and the rest of the eastern seaboard over the summer - minus the fact it was only about 20 minutes long and was confined to Western and surrounding areas.

Did we mention blackouts really suck?

UGLY

Michael Jackson

When will Michael ever escape the accusations of molesting little boys? Maybe when he stops inviting little boys to sleep with him in his Neverland Ranch.

The "King of Pop" probably won't be granted a spot in a youth detention centre, but he'll clearly be busy in jail if convicted - Jacko's gonna be gettin' his fudge packo.

Tareq from Average Joe

Watching Average Joe is like watching a night at a local meat market, er, bar. While the athletic pin-up boys notch another chick under their belt, the average male is left with a broken heart and a lonely night of the Showcase Revue.

It truly exposes the shallowness of the human condition and provides hilarious entertainment on a Monday night. However, Tareq is just too much to handle as he computes his chances and throws John Daly-esque golf tantrums. Dude, you're ugly, get over it.

 

 

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