Stress? Pull out the orgasmatron!
By Laura Katsirdakis
Orgasmatron. Nothing more needs to be said except... orgasmatron!
American surgeon Stuart Meloy has patented an orgasm machine.
He placed advertisements in various media outlets to attract
women to test out the orgasmatron, but has so far only found
one female volunteer who had not had an orgasm — for
four years. Maybe her desperation helped her get over the fact
that the machine, the size of a pacemaker, must be implanted
under the skin to work. Orgasmatron!
More news about the same gender: women have been undergoing
surgical procedures to reshape their feet so they can fit into
pointy shoes. Hmmm, what does this remind us of? Let’s
see, foot binding in 10th century China? The Grimm Brothers’ version
of Cinderella, in which the evil stepsisters cut off chunks
of their feet to fit into the glass slipper in the prince’s
search for the heroine. There goes the neighbourhood.
And more from the same gender: Michael Jackson. He may be
less crazy than many assume. The family of the boy accusating
Jacko has actually been in several other cases involving abuse
allegations. In a divorce fight, the father pleaded no contest
to spousal abuse and child cruelty. The family also claimed
that in 1998, guards at J.C. Penny department store took the
mother and two of her sons out to a parking lot, beat them
all and sexually assaulted the mother. They accepted $137,500
US to settle the case. Perhaps this family has found a more
lucrative way of earning a living than, you know, honest work.
In an interview with the Vancouver Sun, Alliance MP Larry
Spencer said he believes there is a gay conspiracy involving
the seduction of young boys in playgrounds and the deliberate
infiltration of the judiciary, schools, entertainment industry
and religious communities in North America. He is also concerned
with conspiracies involving Nazis, women, Chinese, Jews, aliens,
communists, capitalists, magical gremlins and the kids who
steal his pills every day.