November 4, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 36  

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SPORTS

Hot male athletes

By Gazette Sports
Gazette Staff

Better late than never, right?

Due to space restrictions in last week's papers, we were unable to bring you a follow-up to our story on hot female athletes. In a move towards affirmative action, we now present to you the second roundtable of the year: hot male athletes. Attendees at the roundtable included Megan O'Toole, Lori Mastronardi and Brian Wong (our three Arts & Entertainment editors) as well as opinions editor Mark Polishuk. The sports section was represented by David Lee.

The roundtable did not start off well.

LORI: What are we doing again?
MEGAN: There are some hockey players on the Leafs that are hot. There's this guy -I think his name is "Something Tucker."
MARK: Darcy Tucker?
MEGAN: Yeah, that was the guy.
LORI: Wasn't Paul Kariya good looking? He's a hockey player, right?
MARK: What kind of Canadian are you? "Is Paul Kariya a hockey player?" Of course he is!
BRIAN: Kelly Gruber?
LORI: (laughs) I've forgotten about him. Oh, how about Roberto Alomar? I had a crush on him when I was a kid.
MEGAN: And remember Joe Carter? Was he good looking?
MARK: C'mon, he hit a home run to win the World Series.
MEGAN: Well, I guess that sorta makes him good looking.
LORI: Who was that other guy... oh yeah, Pat Borders.
DAVE: Why did you like Pat Borders? All he did was chew tobacco and look sad.
MARK: He's a catcher! Life had taken its toll on him.
LORI: My aunt liked Pat Borders anyways -not me.
DAVE: Right... blame the aunt.
LORI: What about Kobe Bryant?
BRIAN: Wasn't he a convicted rapist?
MARK: Dut, dut -accused rapist.
BRIAN: What about Kelly Gruber? Did I already say that?
MARK: Hey Dave, you can talk about your non-sexual crush on Jeff Bagwell.
DAVE: Err...
MEGAN: Johnny Depp's a hot male athlete.
DAVE: Piracy counts as a sport?
MARK: Maybe he played for the Pittsburgh Pirates.
(Dave glares at Mark).
MARK: Why do you always put that in? People very rarely glare at me.
(Emmett Macfarlane, our Editor-in-Chief walks in).
EMMETT: What about Amelie Mauresmo? Oh, never mind.
DAVE: What about Pete Sampras? At least he's married to someone hot -Veronica Vaughn from Billy Madison.
MARK: Mr. Caterpillar-Eyebrow himself?
BRIAN: Kelly Grub... err, Dennis Rodman.
MEGAN: Yeah, he's cool.

 

 

 

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