October 15 , 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 25  

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Celebrity Dartboard
Stick it on a wall, aim and throw

“Your Body is a Wonderland.” “Bigger Than My Body.” Does someone have a body obsession? John Mayer, we really must know: are you really bigger than your body? We hope so, because that’s your only hope for bringing fans some genuine excitement. You certainly can’t win them over with your sick, puppy dog looks or your lightweight, Dave-Matthews-esque music (a.k.a. boring, repetitive and generic soft-rock music). You probably think the way you slur your words is sexy too, but instead, it comes off as a cheap imitation of mental retardation. So why are you so popular, John Mayer? If it’s not the looks or the voice or the music, why do girls go ga-ga over the Mayer? Perhaps he’s using some evil form of mind control... girls, watch out, or you too might be hypnotized by this phony shlock-rock hero.



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