New candidates follow Schwarzenegger
By Shannon Proudfoot
TORONTO - Arnold Schwarzenegger's Oct. 8 victory in the California
election has prompted unusual candidates to express interest
in running for political office.
Anita Guarino, 68, of Regina, Sask., said she is too shy for
political ambitions of her own, but is running a campaign on
behalf of someone she feels is perfect for the job. "My cat
Mr. Stringbean is so wise, he always knows just what to do
to make people feel better," Guarino said. "He will make a
perfect MLA and I'm going to make sure everyone in Regina knows
it, even if I have to knit these 'Vote for Mr. Stringbean'
tea cozies all night."
Mr. Stringbean will not appear on a ballot, as in addition
to being non-human, he is deceased and has existed as a stuffed
and preserved carcass since 1994. When questioned how her candidate
will overcome these difficulties, Guarino hummed "Amazing Grace" and
turned on Wheel of Fortune.
Paul Orchard-Smith, of Sudbury, ON, is the founding and only
member of the Numismatic Party of Canada and plans to run in
next year's federal election. Orchard-Smith said his party
advocates phrasing all political matters in a Yes or No format
and deciding the outcome by flipping a coin.
"By allowing fate to determine the outcome, we eliminate the
bias of human politicians making actual conscious decisions.
So then it's not our fault if the whole country goes to hell," he
The top 10 runners-up of Canadian Idol plan to run on a slate
in their home ridings in the upcoming federal election. Amid
verses of Christina Aguilera songs, the group said its major
mandate is having overall winner Ryan Malcolm exiled to Austria.
"God, his 15 minutes are so over," said Toya Alexis, a finalist
from Ajax, ON. Asked who would have been a better choice, party
members were unable to come to a consensus, all advocating
"Schwarzenegger fared surprisingly well," said George Palmerston,
a University of Toronto political science professor. "Considering
his inexperience, the allegations of sexual assault and the
fact that he's a big, stupid meathead."
"This system gives everyone an opportunity to express their
views. Of course, this means that absolutely anyone can run.