October 22, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 29  

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SPORTS

Roundtable: hot female athletes

By Gazette Sports
Gazette Staff

In the tradition of retrospect and a need to fill space, Gazette sports presents its first editorial roundtable for 2003. Attendees included David Lee, Ian Denomme and Alison Stolz from the sports department, as well as Marshall Bellamy.

DAVE: Who do you think is the best looking female athlete?
IAN: Does Anna Kournikova count? Can she be still considered an athlete?
DAVE: Yeah, she was never that great to begin with... she's more concerned with modelling and pitching video games than actually playing tennis.
ALI: Yeah, she's washed up.
IAN: Come on. Let's not just rip Anna in this thing.
DAVE: You're on a first-name basis with her?
IAN: How about figure skaters -what about Jamie Sale (At this point, Ian stated all figure skaters were hot in the hopes his figure-skating girlfriend would read the article).
ALI: Are you guys still talking? I'm on the phone here.
IAN: Dave, you're just facilitating. You need to throw something in here.
DAVE: OK... so how about Cassie Campbell? She's Canadian, she's hot and she's a hockey player -so much better than Hayley Wickenheiser. (Mark Polishuk, the lowly opinions editor, stumbled into the roundtable at this point).
MARK: You've obviously covered the tennis players, right?
MARSHALL: Naturally.
MARK: It has to be hot female athlete, right?
MARSHALL: What about the Western cheerleaders? Female, that is. (Marshall proceeded to glare at Mark).
MARK: What about Josee Chouinard?
DAVE: You're livin' in the past, man. She's a cougar now.
MARK: What about female football players? (Everyone else stares blankly. Mark is asked to leave the roundtable).
MARSHALL: At this point, should we go from athletes to athletic-looking women?
MARK: Oh! What about athlete's wives?
DAVE: Phil Mickelson's wife is a Sun's dancer, I think. Or was.
MARK: She probably quit just to console Mickelson after every loss in a major. "Here Phil, have another burger."
MARK: Let's all declare our No. 1 pick.
DAVE: OK, I'm down for Cassie Campbell. I've gotta be realistic, she's down-to-earth; what's the point of being in love with a woman that's tasted the high finance of Sergei Federov?
MARSHALL: I'm torn for my No. 1 pick. It would have to be a tie between Justine Henin-Hardenne and the Western cheerleaders.
IAN: I'll go with Jamie Sale, I like figure skaters and having a gold medal doesn't hurt either.
ALI: What about hot males? This whole thing seems kinda sexist.
MARK: Hey, this isn't all bad. We're promoting a healthy body type here.

Next week: Gazette girls cover hot male athletes.

 

 

 

 

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