October 24 , 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 31  

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NEWS

Jackass teaches dog Nazi salute, names him Adolf

By Laura Katsirdakis
Gazette Staff

Princess Di is in the news again. Who would have guessed royal-crazy Brits would keep their hunger for Di news alive long after the poor woman's death?

Reports surfaced that Diana wrote a diary entry shortly before her death speculating that someone was trying to kill her, possibly by tampering with the brakes on her car. Spooky. Di's former butler published a book about his inside view of the royal family this week, prompting the yappy ladies of The View to spend 15 minutes speculating on the identities of the suitors the book mentions in Diana's post-divorce life. Leave her alone!

In Steinback, Manitoba, a referendum was held to determine whether or not to uphold the alcohol ban placed in the town for decades. The ban was banned, by a slim majority of 50.9 per cent. The news prompted many Canadians to realize how frightening small-town Canada really is.

Iran turned over documents last Thursday revealing all its atomic energy activities to the United Nations. When asked why they opted to disclose these records, Iranian officials said, "please don't bomb us, pretty please."

Kirk Jones, a 40-year-old American, became the first person to survive a drop over Niagara Falls, even without so much as a life jacket. Jones reportedly drank a large amount of Vodka, climbed over the safety railing and went feet first over the Falls. A friend video taped the whole thing. It is not clear whether this was a stunt or whether Jones was, as he claimed, suicidal.

In international news, a man in Berlin narrowly escaped being charged under a German law making public displays of Nazi symbols illegal. The man named his dog Adolf and taught it to give the Nazi salute.

In more somber news, Cecilia Zhang is still missing from her Toronto home. The nine year-old girl was discovered missing from her bedroom and with the orange alert declared, the search has been ongoing. Her parents are distraught, but so are her neighbours. Jack Jia, who lives near the family, publicly announced his cell phone number (416) 816-6109 and asked the kidnappers to call him.

Dalton McGuinty was officially sworn in as Ontario's 24th premier yesterday. He also declared a freeze on auto insurance immediately after he was sworn in. So whatever exorbitant amount of money you are bleeding for insurance, now you know it will stay the same. Whoopi!

 

 

 

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