October 28, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 32  

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Lack of plot makes for skanky, Scary flick

By Jonathan Laski
Gazette Writer

Scary Movie 3
Starring: Anna Faris, Charlie Sheen, Simon Rex
Director: David Zucker

Gazette file photo
AND THIS MOVIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY? The Coors Twins (Elain & Diane Klimaszewski) do their thang in Scary Movie 3.

Oh, where to begin. In the third and hopefully last, installment of the Scary Movie franchise, all aspects of the movie come in thirds.

The film is about one third as funny as either of the previous two films; it is also three times as boring and three times as loathsome due to general lack of creativity and tact displayed by the writers and producers. There's also a massive void in terms of quality acting.

While it's very hard to ruin a movie that begins with Jenny McCarthy and the equally naughty Pamela Anderson having a pillow fight in schoolgirl uniforms, the producers of Scary Movie 3 manage to do it. This enjoyable opening scene is quickly forgotten.

Scary represents much of what is wrong in Hollywood. The film's creators use a weak recipe to create this trash-stew in their EZ-Bake oven of the cinematic parody genre. The ingredients are as follows: one part poor storyline; two parts the loss of the Wayans brothers as actors and a countless number of distasteful pokes at minorities, cooked beyond belief. The film moves away from jokes regarding soft drugs and sex, which proved funny in the previous Scary Movies, and replaces them with repeated scenes of a small boy getting run over five or six times by various cars.

As far as the limited plotline goes, Cindy (Faris), a news journalist, must investigate the appearance of mysterious crop circles outside of Washington D.C., as well as a secret videotape that leads to the death of all people who watch it. Cindy, initially trying to solve these weird occurrences for herself, quickly ends up leading the American government, under President Harris (Leslie Nielsen), into a battle against an alien invasion and the ghost from the videotape.

The movie is clearly supposed to parody the recent horror films Signs and The Ring, but is unsuccessful due to its lack of cohesion in bringing these scary stories together in a logical, well-received manner. Scary Movie 3 includes a prophetic boy, who plays a character reminiscent of Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense. Also, many of rap and R&B's mega-stars, such as Method Man, Redman and Macy Gray, step in for cameo appearances in which they are given no dialogue and merely end up dead from an obscure gun fight that has nothing to do with the plot.

The movie's sole saving grace, however, is the use of hidden parodies from old Leslie Nielsen movies, which are great examples of real Hollywood humour. The inclusion of these parodies, as well as the appearance of Nielsen, whose characters are always funny because he actually has some comedic credit, can be attributed to the director, Zucker, who worked with Nielsen in the past on the hilarious Naked Gun movies and Airplane. And while the writing credits for Scary Movie 3 come from the Wayans brothers, this is clearly not their most creative work.

Scary Movie 3 has a list of stars longer than most films, including Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards and brief appearances by Simon Cowell and Queen Latifah; however, none of these performers can save any confused and incomprehensible movie. Needless to say, this movie isn't one you'll need to see in theatres. If you're desperately bored, rent it for one of those endless, rainy days where there's nothing else to do and nothing good on TV.

 

 

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