October 28, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 32  

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Halloween sexiness

Even though you can't indulge in some door-to-door trick or treating, there are some great perks for the developed, mature student come Halloween. Rather than dressing up as a boring clown, prudish princess or wicked witch, you can spice things up a notch by sexualizing your costume. From French Maids to slutty nuns, this holiday is bound to get sexy.

Go Go Yubari from Kill Bill. Quentin Tarantino knows how to put together the girl of every man's fantasy: the naughty Asian schoolgirl. Those last three words put together are probably enough to make every guy who reads them squirt his load.

Get the look:
1 navy blue school blazer with crest
1 plaid kilt (grey/black/white/red)
1 cotton dress shirt
1 red tie
1 pair of white tube socks
1 mace
1 Asian face

Jesus: With his neverending supply of bread, fish and wine, JC takes care of himself and his people with healthy food and delicious booze. His long, flowing locks, plain robe and comfortable sandals give an image of a guy who is carefree and keeps a positive and sunny spirit. Girls flock to guys like this!

Get the look:
1 Creed wig
1 bed sheet
1 pair of Birkenstocks
1 crown of thorns
1 really bright aura

Demi Moore: Bordering on a mid-life crisis, Demi chose to reel in Ashton Kutcher rather than purchase a pricey Porsche. Ready to embark on marriage number two, this cougarish vixen is happy to showcase her risqué relationship, as well as her impressive figure for a 40-something mom.

Get the look:
1 pair of newly sharpened claws
1 juvenile boy sporting mesh back hat
1 flawless figure
1 sleek, black mane
3 confused children

Clay Aiken: Clay began his quest towards the coveted title of American Idol as a semi-cute little nerd. During his great conquest, he dropped the geek-like qualities and tried to morph into a sexual creature, tricking teenage girls everywhere.

Get the look:
1 WWJD bracelet
1 ugly face
1 annoying accent
1 sob story
1 runner-up sash
Infinite denials of homosexuality

-Lori Mastronardi and Brian Wong



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