EDITORIAL & OPINIONS
Tim Hortons freezing us out
After the editorial sections of both the National Post and The Globe and Mail wrote about Tim Hortons doughnuts, our own editorial board quickly realized it must have been a slow day in Canadian news.
There was no food poisoning scandal or mass Timbit robbery. Alas, the major doughnut issue raising concern was the fact Tim Hortons has been freezing their donuts after cooking them 95 per cent of the way. Tims' doughnuts are now a pathetic shadow of their former, fresh-baked glory.
If a news source such as the Post deems this significant enough for serious thought, then The Gazette would like to share our own thoughts on doughnuts: past, present and future.
Within our board of editors, seven of us cared passionately about the gradual decline of doughnut goodness, while four of us were indifferent and/or completely unconcerned.
Serving defrosted as opposed to fresh products seems to be just one of a series of quality cuts. Whatever happened to the Walnut Crunch? Why is there half the amount of cream cheese on bagels? And why do iced cappuccinos now taste like sour root beer?
Budget cuts cannot possibly be the cause of this, as Timmy's basically runs the economy in southern Ontario (and seems to outright own Western). Perhaps they have had these doughnuts frozen for decades and were simply waiting for the moment when doughnut quality apathy was at its peak.
Whatever the reason for freezing, this change has undoubtedly brought in even more revenue. Instead of Tim Hortons executives rolling in gold, we suggest they should put the money towards better causes.
Hire "coffee bitches" to run warm drinks and small snacks up to the hard-working Gazette staff.
Build a Timbit cannon to randomly shoot delectable treats at students. This cannon would be positioned in the University College tower and would fire at students walking to class. It would have enough force to break through windows and surprise uptight professors with a morning treat.
Implement the placement of marathon coffee stations around campus. Here students could grab steaming hot cups while dashing to class. Iced caps could be poured over people's foreheads to cool them off.
With the help of technology, patrons could pre-order their coffee via the Internet and pick up their order from a convenient "walk thru" style pick-up window.
Or maybe someone could magically shorten the ten kilometre line at the CentreSpot Timmy's.
Despite what some of us believe to be the obvious decline in quality at Tim Hortons, the Canadian chain has a coffee cult following that does not seem to be dissuaded or discouraged by anything. If Tim Hortons' fans survived the disappearance of the "good version" of the Walnut Crunch, they will endure anything.