October 3, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 21  

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EDITORIAL & OPINIONS

The Gazette's version of Idol

It seems everyone wants to be an Idol these days. In the wake of the success of American Idol, Canada tried its own hand with Canadian Idol. Now, Western has jumped on the Idol bandwagon, offering up Western Idol. In lieu of the popularity of the above shows, is starting its own The Gazette Idol. But before you can enter our competition, you must fill out our extensive application below.

    1. Are you attractive? If the answer is no, proceed to question 8.

  1. YES

  2. NO

    2. How do you know you have talent?

  1. Your parents told you so.

  2. You heard yourself on tape and actually recognized the voice.

  3. The voices in your head told you so.

    3. How many blow jobs have you given to record executives in your pursuit of stardom?

  1. 1-3

  2. 4-6

  3. 7-9

  4. Too many to remember.

    4. If the answer to question 3 was a or b, please proceed to question 8.

    5. Imagine you're on stage and your voice cracks. Do you:

  1. Be a pro and keep going.

  2. Demand to restart the song.

  3. Curl into a fetal position and weep like a baby.

    6. Who is your favourite Idol?

  1. Ruben Studdard.

  2. Clay Aiken.

  3. Billy Idol.

  4. Jesus.

  5. The drumming monkey in the Arts & Entertainment department.

    7. If chosen as the Gazette Idol, what would you do with your newfound celebrity?

  1. Fire the graphics department.

  2. Create a complaints department.

  3. Introduce sensitivity training.

    8. Go to hell (If you haven't been referred to number 8, please ignore).

 

 

 

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