October 30, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 34  

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Random thoughts à la Shukvision

Mark Polishuk

Opinions Editor

Ah, random thoughts. The cure to those suffering from Can'tthinkofacolumntopicitis.

- Global's Train 48 is the latest crappy Canadian show to be hyped so much everyone is already sick to bloody death of it before an episode even airs. I think the show fails because of a faulty premise. The show is about random conversations between people on the same commuter train, but who in their right mind talks to the weirdos that take public transportation? Every bus I've ever been on, people either look at the ground or have the 1,000-yard stare going.

- You know who has the best role on TV? Chris Noth from Sex and the City. All you need to know about his character is that on a show obsessed with sex, Noth's character is nicknamed Mr. Big. It's quite possible he took the role without even reading a script; the character name alone sells it.

Agent: Hey, I've got this great part lined up for you in the new Steven Spielberg movie. It's a great dramatic role that's got Oscar written all over it.

Noth: Sounds great. What's the character's name?

Agent: Shrinky McEunuch.

Noth: Pass.

- Every time I see Shania Twain, I can't help but think some guy who works in a Home Hardware up in Timmins never gets tired of telling his buddies how he got to third base with old Eileen back in high school.

- Funniest TV sports moment of the week was golf announcer Peter Alliss idly musing that if he "switched teams," he'd be interested in Richard Gere and fellow announcer Curtis Strange. God bless Alliss and his wry British wit. This is nearly as good as the time when Alliss, in the British manner of referring to people as Master (i.e. Master Smith or Master Thomas) just barely caught himself before referring to golfer Pat Bates as Master Bates.

- NBC promos are generally irritating except for the ones for Ed. Every once in a while they have a really serious episode and the promo voiceover guy says "Tonight on Ed..." with his voice just dripping with malice on "Ed." Nothing is as scary as a one-syllable name.

- Speaking of Ed, I still can't get over the "If I wanted water, I'd ask for water" guy in the Labatt commercials. He went from that to starring in his own show on a major American network. It's like if Jack Bauer's new nemesis on 24 was the "I checked my notebook" guy.

- In a follow-up to my Coupling column from a couple of weeks ago, Coupling has already been removed from the NBC schedule during November's sweeps period. It hasn't been cancelled, mind you, just "on hiatus." This is the TV equivalent of saying someone is a little slow, rather than as dumb as a plastic hammer.



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