October 30, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 34  

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CAMPUS LIFE

11 - VALENTINE'S DAY - 14.5/40

Food: **

V-Day is chocolate aphrodisiac lovin'. Unfortunately for the men out there, your significant other likes the chocolate better than you. There's always the Showcase Revue.

Colour Scheme: *

Red, red and more red... and pink. The first is the colour of blood; the second is the colour of flamingos. Yikes.

Gifts: *

Chocolate and cards oozing with vomit-inducing love messages courtesy of Hallmark - please blast a cap in my ass. If you play your cards right, however, you may get the gift of booty bouncin'.

Music: ****

Lots of swooning lovebirds will throw Celine Dion or Elton John into the changer - boo to them. But a holiday featuring Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" and Burt Bacharach's "Endless Love" will strike the right mood and bring Little Johnny to life.

Time of year: 0

February. Snow. Freezing asses. No day off. Blah.

Preparation: 2

On the one hand, a five-minute trip to Shoppers Drug Mart is all the preparation required. On the other hand, a five-minute trip to Shoppers Drug Mart is all the preparation required.

Company: **1/5

It truly depends. If you worship your significant other, it could be a great 2.8 seconds. But if you despise them like Satan, it could get messy - hopefully the despisers have a balcony to jump off.

Drink Rating / Chances for Sex / Getting Arrested: **

Valentine's means wine, not beer. Fuck that shit. Getting sex should be a guarantee, but stranger things have happened. Getting arrested shouldn't be a problem, but if you don't get sex, picking up "Destiny" at Dundas and Richmond Sts. will land you in the slamma, where you will get sex with your new friend Bubba.

-Jordan Bell

 

 

Campus Life Links

1 - ST. PATRICK'S DAY - 36.5/40

2 - CANADA DAY - 33/40

3 - CHRISTMAS - 32/40

4 - BIRTHDAYS - 29/40

5 - VICTORIA DAY - 28.5/40

6 - HALLOWEEN - 24/40

7 - NEW YEAR'S EVE - 23/40

8 - GROUNDHOG DAY - 21/40

9 - EASTER - 22/40

10 - THANKSGIVING - 20/40

11 - VALENTINE'S DAY - 14.5/40

     
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