October 30, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 34  

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CAMPUS LIFE

4 - BIRTHDAYS - 29/40

Food: **

Birthdays always bring cake and ice cream. After the age of majority, birthday food is simply ballast to keep you afloat during the impending night of drunkenness.

Colour Scheme: *

Birthdays have no colour associated with them. Unless, you count the sweet colour of money - in which case green is very good indeed.

Gifts: ***

As a child, the gifts are the highlight. As an adult, gifts start to get rare.

Music: ****

"Happy Birthday to You" aside, birthday music can be a good thing. Since it's your birthday, you have total veto power over the tunes.

Time of Year: *****

This depends on when your birthday falls, but my June birthday means six months between major gift-giving holidays. It also means drinks on the patio and girls in skimpy clothes.

Preparations: *****

The great thing about your b-day is everyone else does the work for you. Whether it's dinner reservations, surprise parties or a trip to the 'rippers.

Company: ****

Here's where you see what your friends and family are made of. If you run with a fun crowd, you're guaranteed a great night out. If you associate with thugs, prepare to have some caps busted in yo' ass.

Drink Rating / Chances for Sex / Getting Arrested: *****

Chances are all excellent for this category. Your drinks are paid for, your sex is paid for and therefore, you're likely to be arrested. You stand a good chance of getting sex without paying, if only through birthday pity.

-David Lee

 

 

Campus Life Links

1 - ST. PATRICK'S DAY - 36.5/40

2 - CANADA DAY - 33/40

3 - CHRISTMAS - 32/40

4 - BIRTHDAYS - 29/40

5 - VICTORIA DAY - 28.5/40

6 - HALLOWEEN - 24/40

7 - NEW YEAR'S EVE - 23/40

8 - GROUNDHOG DAY - 21/40

9 - EASTER - 22/40

10 - THANKSGIVING - 20/40

11 - VALENTINE'S DAY - 14.5/40

     
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