Eastern Conference Rankings
1. New Jersey Nets
The horseshoe planted squarely up Rod Thorn's ass delivered when
Jason Kidd re-signed with the Nets (instead of bailing for San Antonio)
and Alonzo Mourning came on board. Mourning, however, is about as
dependable as a Ford Pinto and Richard Jefferson has yet to reach
his full potential. But playing in the East is much like losing
your virginity: the build up is tremendous, but the finish is anti-climactic
when you get shut down by the West.
2. New Orleans Hornets
If the Hornets can stay healthy, they could reach the NBA finals.
But if Baron Davis and Jamal Mashburn hit the deck again, nothing's
gonna save them... not even Jamaal Magloire. Yikes, I pity the foo.
3. Detroit Pistons
Lining up alongside Ben Wallace is much like going into a bar fight
with Mike Tyson on one side, Lennox Lewis on the other side and
Paul Davenport in behind on horseback. Unfortunately, Wallace and
the rest of the Pistons couldn't hit the broadside of a barn, therefore,
the Pistons' chances of gaining the title are about the same as
the Florida Marlins winning the World Series... oh wait, the Marlins
did win the World Series.
4. Toronto Raptors
... hahaha, just kidding!
4. Indiana Pacers
The Pacers are always the "smart pick," but any team relying
on an Ethiopian three-point specialist (Reggie Miller), a guy who
thinks he's a better defender than Ben Wallace (Ron Artest) and
Scot Pollard, isn't going too far.
5. Philadelphia 76ers
Allen Iverson now has the "Big Dog," Glenn Robinson, playing
on the wing with him. Unfortunately, Glenn's dog ain't big. Neither
is Derrick Coleman's. Neither is Randy Ayers? Ah hell, just pass
the ball to Iverson and get the hell outta the way!
6. Chicago Bulls
The youngsters on this team (Jamal Crawford, Tyson Chandler and
Eddy Curry) were innocent, little fawns the past few years, but
under the tutelage of Bill Cartwright, they have matured into...
ummm, Bulls. They are no longer a pushover, but the "Running
of the Bulls" will not happen for a few years yet.
7. Orlando Magic
Tracy McGrady is damn good. But even David Blaine couldn't help
the rest of the Magic. Maybe Houdini could make them disappear.
8. Toronto Raptors
Would the real Toronto Raptors please stand up?