Outside the gates
By Jordan Bell
Below is what happened in the world of professional sports last
An NBA preseason game between the Toronto Raptors and the Cleveland
Cavaliers last Thursday night in St. John's, NFLD, was cancelled
due to a damp, un-playable court surface. Eight thousand fans were
visibly infuriated, but after consideration, realized they don't
even know what basketball is and were only there because there's
nothing to do in Newfoundland. Mmm fish...
Tiger Woods tied Byron Nelson's career cuts-made record at the
Funai Classic in Lake Buena Vista, Florida, registering his 113th
consecutive cut made. Unfortunately, Woods was unable to win the
tournament, losing to Vijay Singh by four strokes. Good job Vijay:
you may be an ignorant asshole, but at least your not a pompous
Pat Riley resigned as head coach of the Miami Heat. The former
coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, the New York Knicks and most recently,
the Heat, will stay on with the club as general manager and leader
of Miami's mafia ring.
Josh Beckett pitched a complete game, five-hitter to help the underdog
Florida Marlins defeat the loathed New York Yankees in the World
Series. Unfortunately, only three people were watching: Uncle Joe
and his two nephews, Cletus and Billy Ray.
The Toronto Raptors were scintillating in their NBA regular season
opener on Wednesday at the Air Canada Centre. Behind Vince Carter's
39 points, the Raptors defeated the reigning Eastern Conference
champions, the New Jersey Nets, 90-87. God help me! I am so tempted
to jump back on the Carter bandwagon right now...