October 9 , 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 24   

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NEWS

President Bush, poet

By Laura Katsirdakis
Gazette Staff

"Roses are red/Violets are blue/Oh my, lump in the bed/How I've missed you.

"Roses are redder/Bluer am I/Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy."

So where do you think this poem came from? A child's English assignment maybe? A joke poem on a cartoon? No, sadly, this verse was composed by the leader of the free world, George W. Bush, to his wife. Enough said.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has won the California recall vote. God help them.

In Las Vegas, years of tension and frustration finally came to a head last weekend: Montecore, a 270 kilogram white tiger performing in the Siegfried & Roy show, expressed his discontent by lunging at Roy, dragging him from the stage by his neck. When asked for comment, Montecore said "All I wanted was an extra goddamn day off work, is that too much to ask?"

In a similar story, a New York man was sent to hospital after being attacked by one of his household pets in his fifth-floor Manhattan apartment. His pets were a 193 kilogram tiger and a 1.5 metre long alligator. Reports are the man was trying to relive his days at Saugeen.

Things are looking up for those of us who fear needles more than death or taxes. Needles may be at thing of the past: vaccinations can now be administered with a painless squirt up the nose. Inhaling vaccinations? Sounds painless to me.

Australian researchers recently announced the results of their test of a male contraception injection, saying it was "100 per cent effective". A birth control shot for men? The tables have now been turned - now they're the ones getting poked.

 

 

 

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