ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Quick, take in the
fall dramas before they're cancelled!
By Mark Polishuk
The only drama surrounding most of these new
entries is how long it will take for them to be cancelled.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF POLAND, NEW HAMPSHIRE
(CBS): Wednesday at 10 p.m.
Created by TV guru David E. Kelley, this show about three brothers
who run a small town stars three actors who know a thing about
siblinghood: Randy Quaid (brother of Dennis), Chris Penn (Sean's
bro) and John Carroll Lynch (Drew Carey's TV brother). Catch
it before it goes downhill like the rest of Kelley's shows.
It's a ripoff of... Picket Fences.
(CBS): Sunday at 8 p.m.
Kathryn Morris is a police detective who solves old cases that
were never solved. Sweeps month gimmick: the murder of Nicole
Brown and Ron Goldman.
It's a ripoff of... Cold Squad, the little-watched
JOAN OF ARCADIA
(CBS): Friday at 8 p.m.
Critics have called this the best new show on TV, about a girl
who can talk to God. Odd, I thought teenagers could only see
God from the back seat of a car. Has Meat Loaf been lying to
me all this time?!
It's a ripoff of... South Park. Those kids were always
talking to God, or Jesus, or Chef.
(ABC): Wednesday at 10 p.m.
A show based on the Miami-based federal marshal played by Jennifer
Lopez in Out Of Sight. Lucky for us, Carla Gugino is a better
actress than J-Lo.
It's a ripoff of... Out of Sight.
(NBC): Monday at 9 p.m.
James Caan is the head of a surveillance company in, you guessed
it, Las Vegas. Caan's character is named Big Ed, which makes
me wonder if John Goodman turned down the role first.
It's a ripoff of... Andy Garcia's scenes in Ocean's Eleven.
THE LYON'S DEN
(NBC): Sunday at 10 p.m.
Rob ÒCareer SuicideÓ Lowe decided to leave The
West Wing to star in this glorified soap opera about an idealistic
young lawyer who gets a job with an established, somewhat shady
It's a ripoff of... The Firm.
(NBC): Friday at 8 p.m.
Alicia Silverstone is a divorce attorney who moonlights as a
matchmaker. Most lawyers don't have this much time on their
It's a ripoff of... Clueless. Remember how Silverstone
helped her dad with his legal case and also arranged for her
teachers to fall in love? It's the SAME DAMN THING.
(CBS): Tuesday at 8 p.m.
The full title is "Navy Naval Criminal Investigative Service."
Even the title is repetitive.
It's a ripoff of... JAG, except starring Mark Harmon.
(FOX): Monday at 9 p.m.
The son of a district attorney falls in love with the daughter
of a porn king. These problems could be avoided if the DA had
just spent more time matchmaking.
It's a ripoff of... Romeo & Juliet. Only FOX would
add porn to Shakespeare.
(ABC): Thursday at 8 p.m.
A team of elite government agents protect the United States
from terrorism. In a shockingly tasteless move, this show starts
one week after Sep. 11.
It's a ripoff of... 24. But does that show have an
actor named Mahershalalhashbaz? Hell no.
(FOX): Thursday at 8 p.m.
A morgue employee learns she can go back in time one day to
prevent the murders of the people she finds at work. Dumb premise,
but Eliza Dushku is the star. So pretty.
It's a ripoff of... Early Edition.