EDITORIAL & OPINIONS
The Gazette follows
the USC's lead
Just as the University Students' Council announced
its main initiatives at its first regular council meeting last
night, The Gazette decided to present its own initiatives to
you, the student body.
The opening of Straightline:
With the success of last year's Queerline initiative, the establishment
of a help line to assist heterosexuals in "straightening
out" their lives seemed only natural.
Establishment of the Task Force to
Establish the Subcommittee to Select the Commissioner in charge
of the Committee responsible for Committees which reports to
the Task Force: This Task Force has been talked about
for years. The TFESSCCC will finally be established this year,
ensuring the continued health of our thriving bureaucracy.
A department of Men's Studies:
This would, naturally, require a Canada Research Chair in pornography.
The Campus Hot Dog Lady Scholarship:
To be awarded to a vegan student demonstrating financial need.
Rename Campus Community Police Service
the "Campus Organization of Police Services":
Upon being renamed, COPS would immediately seek to hire any
officer whose name even remotely resembled "Longarm."
Set up a Task Force to find out why
MIT exists: For the sake of efficiency, it would be
established by the aforementioned Task Force to Establish the
Subcommittee to Select the Commissioner in charge of the Committee
responsible for Committees.
House more animals at Saugeen-Maitland
Hall: This would force administration to return Saugeen
to its proper name, "The Zoo." (Plans to import pandas
are currently underway).
The Line Centralization/Efficiency
Project: The Project would seek to institute a "master
line up" for all of the line ups on campus.
Replace tuition with the barter system:
Entrance to university would now be 400 beaver pelts. Or one
Amendment to the Student Code of Conduct:
Every time the word "objectionable" appears
it's replaced with "debauchery." Replace every "liability"