upon a time...
Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived
the happy people of Ontario existing under the rule of Dave
Peterson, warlord of the Liberal clan.
One day Peterson began hearing rumours of
a dreaded recession monster lurking around the Ontario countryside
devouring jobs and threatening Peterson's hold on his realm.
Before he could attack the evil recession
Peterson challenged all of his enemies to battle from his lair
in Queen's Park and Bob Rae, general of the New Democratic crime
family and general of the Union Leader Army, smote Dave Peterson
and defeated his Legion of Liberals.
Bob Rae then prepared to do battle with the
evil recession monster, which was gobbling up even more jobs,
leaving its inflation droppings all over Ontario.
Rather then face the recession monster in
open combat, Rae donned his shiny armor, rode out from his fortress
at Queen's Park and began giving away gold and jewels from the
Ontario treasury to the people, so they could create publicly
run social programs to defeat the recession monster.
The recession monster was strong and lived
from economic devastation it had wreaked upon the happy and
now unemployed people of Ontario and Bob Rae's enemies rallied
against him for the next election battle.
As the day of the battle approached, the
Union Leader Army mutinied against Rae because he told them
to give up some of the booty from their labour disputes.
Without an army Rae was defeated by the forces
of the Tories under Prince Mike Harris who charged up his army
with the power of Common Sense.
After the jobs were heartily eaten and the
inflation droppings began to be cleaned, the recession monster
left Ontario with the promise of an economically disastrous
return and Rae was forced into a grisly exile of book writing
and lecture tours.
For eight years Mike Harris' Common Sense
ruled the land and gave money to everyone but homeless people
and single mothers, until one day he retired and turned over
power to his right-hand man, Ernie Eves.
Right after Eves took power, disease and
disaster swept the blissful land of Ontario until Eves came
forth from his castle at Queen's Park and called for an election
battle. Now the province lies in peril.
The moral of the story? Politicians may seem
like good guys, but in the end we're all fucked.