September 12, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 9  

Front Page >> Sports > Ouside the Western gates


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Outside the Western gates:
We don't give the middle finger!

By Jordan Bell
Gazette Staff

Below is what happened in the world of professional sports last week:

Detroit Tigers pitcher Mike Maroth became the first pitcher since Brian Kingman in 1980 to lose 20 games in an MLB season. The loss came in an 8-6 loss to the Blue Jays on Friday night. Maroth was found howling at the moon and drinking whiskey at Nathan Phillips Square later that night.

Former CFL commissioner Michael Lysko sued the league for $18.9 million in damages. Unfortunately, Lysko later found out the CFL is only worth $189.

Former Harlem Globetrotter Meadowlark Lemon was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. Lemon played for the Globetrotters from 1957-79. Sorry but I can't make a joke, because Lemon and his Sweet Georgia Brown rendition is just too priceless to mock.

Blue Jays pitcher Roy Halladay continues to kick ass. Although it was the Detroit Tigers, Halladay was four outs away from a no-hitter in defeating the Tigers 1-0, improving his record to 19-6. At least the Tigers are good for something.

Belgian Justine Henin-Hardenne defeated fellow countrywoman Kim Clijsters 7-5, 6-1 to win the U.S. Open title. Unfortunately, Henin-Hardenne continued to see an asterisk (or in sports dummies terms, Serena Williams).

On the men's side, American Andy Roddick destroyed Juan Carlos Ferrero 6-3, 7-6 (7-2), 6-3 to win the U.S. Open. If you listen closely, you can still hear our neighbours to the south bragging about their greatness.

That's just the Tway it is. Bob Tway shot a closing round 66 to win the Canadian Open in a three-hole playoff with Brad Faxon. Mike Weir finished five shots off the pace. But really what's better, a Canadian Open title or the green Masters jacket? Exactly.

Toronto Maple Leaf Doug Gilmour announced his retirement this week. Gilmour, a fan favourite, will be sorely missed. Note to GM John Ferguson Jr.: Strike one.

However, apparently Ferguson quickly learned how to kiss Leafs fans ass in a short couple of days. On Thursday, Ferguson Jr. signed New Jersey Devil Joe Nieuwendyk, a well-liked and close associate with many Leafs.

And in useless news, Chicago White Sox pitcher Jose Paniagua was released by the team after he gave the umpire the middle finger as he left the field in a game against the Minnesota Twins. He gave up four runs, three hits and a walk in a third of an inning. It had to be the ump's fault.




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