September 18, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 12  

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Random thoughts from TV Land, courtesy of Shuk

Mark Polishuk

Opinions Editor

This week's random thoughts while channel-surfing...

  • You know that Viagra ad set to Queen's "We Are The Champions" where all the men are dancing around the neighbourhood? Imagine the comedy when some little kid asks "Mommy, what's Viagra?" Also, if it's a Viagra ad, wouldn't "We Will Rock You" fit better?
  • For those of you without afternoon classes or for those who like to skip classes, Family Guy is on every 2:30 in the afternoon on TBS. TBS? What the ass? Did they lose the rights to Mama's Family?
  • My favourite movie ad is for Eddie Murphy's latest kids flick, The Haunted Mansion. Way to be creative with the title, guys. Apparently the next choice was The House With Spooky Ghosts And Stuff. If they wanted a realistic title, it should've been Eddie Murphy Continues the Downward Spiral.
  • I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the passing of John Ritter, who was one of those actors who had a charisma uniquely suited for television. Say what you will about the quality of Three's Company, but Ritter's performance is still funny today. Also of note on Ritter's resumé is the movie Stay Tuned, about a guy that gets sold a satellite dish by Satan and gets stuck within the demonic channels. I wake up nightly fearing this will happen to me.
  • Do Canadian Idol viewers know they're going to hell for violating the commandment about not worshipping any false idols? If you doubt me, you can look it up in the Bible, right before that stuff about the pregnancy without sex and Austin 3:16.
  • London is getting two new CBS and FOX affiliate channels based in Detroit, replacing the ones based in Erie and Buffalo. Pretty much the only difference now is that we'll get... Detroit Lions games. Why God, why??
  • Speaking of the NFL, one of my favourite sports announcer clichés is that Team X is "a really physical football team." This is apparently opposed to every other NFL team, who play two-hand touch and count ten steamboats before rushing the quarterback.
  • Another new Batman movie is in the works, with Christian Bale as Batman. Not a bad choice, but is there no room for an Adam West cameo? I look forward to the day when the Batman movies run out of villains and thus have to fall back on the crooks from the old TV series. I'm sure any number of actors would line up to play King Tut, the kindly history professor who would become an Egyptian-themed criminal mastermind whenever he was hit on the head.
  • And finally, a quick pick for the new Survivor series, starting tonight. It's a tough call between death and taxes: Darrah Johnson, the hot 22-year-old mortician, or Andrew "Macho Man" Savage, the undoubtedly sleazy lawyer. Whoever it is, let's just hope that unlike the last two series, the final survivor isn't a first-rate jackass.



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