September 18, 2003  
Volume 97, Issue 12  

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Editor turned Kindergarten cop

Stuff & Things
Kelly Marcella

Campus Life Editor

I don't like people. Well, let me rephrase that - I don't like hoards of people. Hmmm, I still think that does little justice to my meaning, so before I get mail about the intrinsic goodness of humanity, I will attempt to explain myself.

The beginning of a new school year at Western brings to mind a host of things: long lines, expensive payments and general insanity and debauchery at all corners. The one thing that comes to mind immediately, however, is people - people EVERYWHERE.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm quite social. I love going out, spending time with friends (away from the increasingly large pile of class readings) and of course meeting new people. My problem lies not with people on a personal level, but with the "crowd," for lack of a better term.

For example, with Clubs Week in full force, the University Community Centre can be ultimately equated with a can of sardines. It's an endless stream of people and flyers - clearly a fire hazard. I think they should move the entire operation outside, perhaps over by Althouse parking lot.

Crowds make me incredibly angry, especially those groups of people that pick the most inopportune places to stand and discuss the colour of their new shoes. Why do people stand on staircases and in doorways? I don't know how anyone in their right mind can justify blocking an entire flow of traffic and not realize how much of an inconvenience they are. These people make me want to shoot fire out of my eyes (I'm still working on that trick).

I admit, I can be fairly impatient, but groups of people make me incredibly claustrophobic and angry. There are more people at this university than the town I grew up in and crammed in about 1/500th of the space, so you can see why I think there are just too many people around. I much prefer this campus in the summer when there are few events and even fewer people.

As a solution to this endless and ever growing problem, I call for a return to kindergarten lineups. You know those lines where you walk single file to and from everywhere? Frankly, this seems to be the only viable option for streaming the hoards of people so you can make it from one side of the UCC to another in less than two days.

Hey - this could open up a few student job opportunities. Line directors anyone?



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