Drunken moron jumps off bridge, gets hurt
By Laura Katsirdakis and Dan Perry
Homecoming madness descended on Western this weekend, reported Sgt. Michael Mics, acting manager of Campus Community Police Service.
The spirit of The Naked Masturbator (infamous paper-bag-wearing, masturbating dude from two years ago) lives on. A white male, wearing only a blue mask, was again seen near Brescia University College. This is the third time this month such a suspect has exposed himself on campus.
Mics reported a ticking package was delivered to Alumni Hall causing some concern this weekend. Once it was removed from the building, the owner of the package informed the police it contained a metronome.
A Homecoming reveler suffered minor injuries after jumping from the University Dr. bridge following Saturday's football game. Sources say alcohol was involved - really?
The Homecoming parade took an unexpected detour, Mics said, when they veered off the planned route despite having a police escort. The first segment of the parade got off track and led the rest of the parade along behind them. Needless to say, this caused quite a traffic jam.
The fire-monitoring system suffered a systemic failure, Mics said. As a result, fire pickets have been set up to patrol all buildings and alert police if any fires occur. Repairs are still underway on the monitoring system, so if there seem to be more guards on duty, this is the reason.
Bicycle thefts have been rampant on campus this week. Mics stressed the importance of registering bicycles with the CCPS. "Most people don't even know the serial number of their bike when they report it stolen," Mics said. By registering with CCPS there is a much greater chance of recovering stolen bicycles.
Const. Paul Martin, spokesman for the London Police Department, reported there were quite a number of noisy parties for police to deal with on Homecoming weekend. He added there were no major incidents.
Two chairs were stolen from the front lawn of a house on Mornington Ave. this weekend. The senior citizen who lives at the house would appreciate it if the chairs were returned. "Please return the chairs and all will be forgiven."