Hangover? Take a pill like the KGB
By Marshall Bellamy
Students can drink excessively with relative ease because an unknown anti-hangover pill can eliminate those head-banging, temple-throbbing, violence-inducing, shotgun-to-the-head-craving hangovers that plague campuses across the world. Of course, it might not be safe.
A recent article in The Guardian stated a pill invented in Russia and used by the KGB to outdrink enemies and steal their secrets is now on sale on the Internet and has received a warm welcome from Hollywood's heavy partying elite who wish to avoid hangovers and party all night.
"When a substance makes therapeutic claims it must be tested," said Krista Apse, media relations officer with Health Canada, adding companies wishing to sell drugs in Canada must send detailed information to Health Canada, who supervises the laboratory tests and decides whether or not to accept the drug.
"We have no information on the drug," Apse stated, noting Health Canada will be doing a follow-up investigation in the matter of the anti-hangover pill.
"If it is on the Internet and Health Canada doesn't know about it, it's probably not good for you," explained Melanie Slate, health education co-ordinator with Student Health Services at Western.
According to Slate, hangovers are caused by de-hydration, therefore the pill most likely prevents de-hydration when the subject is drinking, although she could not explain how the drug may dull the effects of drunkenness.
"It sounds like something out of a James Bond movie," stated Nicole Currier, spokesperson at Canadian Security and Intelligence Service, citing the activities of CSIS are far more conventional than what the media would have the public believe and the work done by Canada's spy agency is done in the open.
Many students, on the other hand, have their methods of preventing hangovers on the morning after the night of revelry.
"Milk, soda and sugar - all in one cup and take it all back," advised third-year administrative and commercial studies student Jvier Santana.
"I think my hangovers are my punishment. I'm Muslim so I'm not allowed to drink", said third-year administrative and commercial studies student Karim Khwaja, adding his hangovers are probably inflicted by God.